Friday, June 26, 2009

Watching the Draft Together

As much as I love living out here in Denver, there have been some major sacrifices that I have had to make being so far from home. One of the most difficult ones has been missing watching the NFL and NBA college drafts with my buddies Kevin and Paul.

This was probably the first year in more than a decade where I didn't get to watch either draft with at least one of them.

Thanks to the miracle of technology, we always text our thoughts and opinions to each other; but a funny thing happened during the NBA draft last Thursday night - Paul and I just kept texting and kept texting and kept texting.

It was almost like we were watching it together.

Now the three of us have always had this revolutionary idea that there should be an alternative television coverage to sporting events. Instead of listening to Jay Bilas talk about "wingspan" and "upside" on ESPN wouldn't you rather listen to real guys talk like real guys on a network like HBO or something?

I'm definitely going to try to make this happen someday.

So here you go - our uncensored, brutally honest, insightful coverage of the worst draft in NBA history.

(All times MOUNTAIN STANDARD TIME)


Paul (5:37PM): 1st pick P Phipps

Paul (5:46PM): Zzzzzzz.... thabeet

Paul (5:58PM): Minni gets rubio... huge trade



The New York Knicks select Jordan Hill with the 8th pick



Paul (6:22PM): Officially not a knicks fan... hate him

Josh (6:22PM): Feel ya

Paul (6:23PM): ...And he was never heard from again... no one w hair is ever good

Josh (6:24PM): Yeah that's bosh's problem now

Josh (6:30PM): Do you really want to see "must improve: shooting consistency" about the 8th pick? Ugh. What a turd of a draft

Paul (6:31PM): For reals... booo



Milwaukee takes Brandon Jennings at #10



Josh (6:35PM): Other than Knicks has there been one team you would ever remember if they went away? Booorrrring

Paul (6:37PM): Jennings is a lil interesting



Terrence Williams goes to New Jersey at 11



Josh (6:39PM): Who is this guy? I feel like an old man. I don't know any of these player

Paul (6:41PM): T-Wil. Duh

Josh (6:41PM): Sorry don't have sound here. Right now draft is on small tv and an alec baldwin narrated spring training baseball special is on the big tv with sound

Paul (6:40PM): If ur a senior who averages 12 ppg what is your nba ceiling?

Josh (6:41PM): What's next? Must improve: general basketball skills?



With the 12th pick, Charlotte takes Duke forward Gerald Henderson



Paul (6:46PM): So the bobcats really only draft players from NC or got overhyped in tourney

Josh (6:48PM): Instead of paying guys like Henderson a dime, don't you save some cash and trade your picks for a good parking spot at the mall? Worst draft.



UNC's Tyler Hansbrough is taken by Indiana at 13



Paul (6:50PM): Indiana just got whiter

Josh (6:51PM): HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??

Paul (6:53PM): How do u improve 'finishing above the rim'? Isn't that like saying 'must improve height or talent'?

Josh (6:54PM): Do you think there are any black people that would ever be caught dead wearing a Hansbourough Indiana jersey? Even a homeless guy?

Paul (6:56PM): Not even a blind homeless 120 year old non english speaking black woman



In a bizarre sequence of events, the Phoenix Suns select Earl Clark but David Stern announces Clark is not in the building. Instead Brandon Jennings comes out and shakes hands with the Commish



Josh (6:57PM): What is going on? Earl is not here. Jennings is here. C'mon NBA!

Paul (6:58PM): Bizarre... the gameday awards wouldn't do that bullshit

Josh (6:58PM): What is Phoenix doing? Did Earl Clark even know he was getting drafting tonight? He's at the arcade right now

Paul (6:59PM): He still doesn't know... ps tell this dude that "I still went top 10" is weak when u went 10 can came back late bc u were scared of the drop

Josh (6:59PM): Was jennings in the bathroon when he originally got picked



Austin Daye goes to the Pistons at 15. He is like the 67th guy taken whose dad played in the league as well



Paul (7:03PM): Things u don't want to be when ur 6'10" - my weight

Josh (7:03PM): You know how the last pick of the draft is called Mr. Irrelevant? How bad is it that we've already established that status at 15

Josh (7:06PM): I would almost be tempted to take the Daye dad over the son. he looks better



Chicago selects James Johnson from Wake Forest at 16



Paul (7:09PM): ACC guy I never heard of... not a good sign for bulls

Josh (7:10PM): Is he at the arcade with the other guy?

Paul (7:11PM): He is robbing a liquor store... he makes Daye's dad look like a middle schooler



Philadelphia goes on the clock and subsequently picks Jrue Holliday from UCLA



Josh (7:12PM): Sixers on the clock! LOVE that logo!

Josh (7:15PM): If he needs to improve shooting range AND consistency, doesn't he just need to improve shooting?

Paul (7:16PM): Must improve "skin too dark"

Paul (7:17PM): Seriously, Pacers wanted him but there is a "too dark" limit in Indiana



Minnesota takes their third point guard of the night when they select UNC's Ty Lawson at 18



Josh (7:19PM): Minn is redifining "going small"

Paul (7:20PM): Gonna talk mugsey bouges out of retirement!

Josh (7:20PM): Can they please play one game with only point guards?


Paul (7:21PM): Pretty please



At 19, Paul's Atlanta Hawks select Jeff Teague from Wake



Josh (7:23PM): Like the pick?

Paul (7:24PM): Like him... but... must improve "nba game"



We began to lose interest at this point



Josh (7:59PM): Are they just making up names Madden style now?

Paul (7:59PM): Must be... even Stern is struggling



The Memphis Grizzlies... do something and ESPN zooms in on the one Grizz fan in Madison Square Garden



Josh (8:07PM): Was that the only memphis fan in america? I just always thought their jerseys and tshirts got distributed to 3rd world countries

Paul (8:07PM):
Honestly never seen their gear before



We have completely lost interest



Josh (9:16PM): Enjoyed watchin the draft with you buddy. Have a good one.

Paul (9:16PM): That was amazing

3 comments:

Summer said...

Aww I love the "gameday guys" i really think that should make a comeback.
<3
Sum

The Triumphant Return of Paulie Walnuts said...

This one one of the great post-move experiences I have had...it really was surreal...I feel like I took my text-game to the next level

Katie said...

yeah, so i have my phone set to receive "tweets" and whatever day this "draft" thing was, i kept getting tweets from you (Josh) and all my friends and co-workers wanted to know what was so interesting that someone had to be constantly updating about it (my phone beeped every time) ...LOL...and then even funnier...all my friends know how much I hate sports SO they thought it was hilarious that I was getting a play by play of the draft...thanks Josh...you're a pal