I’ve never really cared for introductions, exposition, or pilot episodes.
I typically flip to chapter three of a new book, I will go get the popcorn during the first 10 minutes of any movie, and I will start watching a new sit-com on its second episode. Why? Because introducing new characters is often stilted and awkward. The writers and actors don’t even know who they are yet, so how can the audience possibly have a clue as to what is going on?
With that in mind, I really wanted to avoid introducing myself in this space, here at INDenverTimes.com.
My favorite stories are the ones that you just jump right into and learn what you need as you go. I was dead set to employ that device but then I got to thinking. Since I’ve been writing for the past couple years on my own website, I’ve developed kind of a shorthand that my current readers and I have grown comfortable with.
So instead of having to stop and explain something along the way, I thought I would just go ahead and use this first column on a quick introduction.
Let’s see, where to begin? I just moved to Denver from the Tidewater area of Virginia this past January (most people have at least heard of Norfolk or Virginia Beach. I lived in Chesapeake. Not by the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland, but the city of Chesapeake). I brought my Wife out here after we got married this past August and…
You know what? This is boring.
How about this? A lifetime ago, I did a semester internship at “The Late Show with David Letterman”; so in that spirit, here are the Top 10 things you need to know about Josh Mahler (or, the Top 10 Reasons, it took me 29 years to move out of my parents’ house):
10. I value personal relationships more than I will ever admit. Speaking of, here is a quick cast of characters that you should know as we move forward because I will reference them frequently: my Wife, my mom and dad, my cousin Jake, Paulie, Chris, Moochie, Gray, Jesse, Jonny S., The Bull, and Dan/Shareef (to read more about the Legend of Shareef, click here).
9. Too much of my own self worth comes from the success of my favorite pro sports teams (more on that next week).
8. It turns me off when something I like gets too popular.
7. I hate technology (but I guess you already knew that).
6. I refuse to spend more than $30 on jeans. $35 if I'm rolling in the dough.
5. For my money, Roy Hobbs is the greatest baseball player to ever live.
4. I wish I liked sushi. I love the idea of sushi.
3. I'm fine with the fact that I will never be a good golfer. I'd rather be bad at golfing than good at anything else.
2. I wish Tom Hanks would do another comedy.
Drum roll please!
And the number one thing that you need to know about Josh Mahler (or the number one reason it took me 29 years to move out of my parents’ house)
1. Self awareness is the one attribute I try to constantly remain aware of. Lack of self awareness is my biggest pet peeve. That, and when people say “cent” when it’s supposed to be “cents”. Sorry, I don't have “25 cent” for you to borrow. I do have a quarter, which is 25 CENTS, but I'm not going to give it to you.
That should do it for now. Hopefully you can use those notes as a foundation for understanding me a little bit better in the coming weeks (because trust me, you’re going to need it).
I’m looking forward to getting to know the new readers as well – always feel free to comment below. I guess with that, let’s get this thing started! I’ll be back with something new every Monday morning (and I might even occasionally sneak a few things in here and there throughout the week if I’m feeling frisky).
Hope you have a great week and it is nice to meet you.
*Check out a new column every Monday morning here and at INDenverTimes.com