Just Being Josh

LIVING LIFE: Sports Time Zoneology

2010-11-02T13:47:00.006-04:00

*Pulled this one out of the archives from March of 2009

I knew that when I decided to move to Colorado from the East Coast a few months ago that my life would be changed and affected, I just didn't know how much my life as a sports fan would be changed and affected.

I got excited the other day when I saw a commercial for all the college basketball conference tournament coverage, so I planned out my week accordingly to make sure I was home in time to watch the games I really wanted to see.

One of those particular games was scheduled for this past Thursday at 7 p.m., so I raced home from work that evening, heated up a cardboard pizza, poured myself a cold beverage, lounged back in my recliner and was ready to enjoy the Madness of March.

As I turned on the television at seven o’clock on the dot, I was confused as to what I found playing out before me on the screen.

Not only was the game already on, it was almost over.

Suddenly, a wave of reality crashed over me as I realized that they game had indeed started at 7 p.m... Eastern Standard Time.

What a Rocky Mountain rookie mistake.

Spending my entire life by the Atlantic Ocean, I had always heard of an “East Coast Bias” but never knew what the fuss was all about; mainly, I suppose, because I had never been affected by it. I always thought it just had something to do with Heisman voting or college football polls or everyone’s misguided fascination with Derek Jeter. But now that I realize that the national sports networks only promote games to one time zone, I can understand why everyone west of the Mississippi hates the East Coast.

I'm still trying to get this straight: we are so technologically advanced as a species that there are scientists who are currently developing contact lenses that will transmit your favorite TV programs and sporting events into your eye, but we can’t come up with a way to run regionally specific commercials for those events?

Just unreal.

And it’s not just the TV ads, either. After the college basketball debacle, I began noticing other forms of skewed East Coast bias in the sporting universe. I have a fantasy NBA basketball team through a national sports website and in our league you have to have your lineup set by 7 p.m. – again – Eastern Standard Time.

On more than one occasion, I have logged on to set up my nightly lineup around 6:30 p.m. only to find that games are already in progress and my team is locked. It’s always fun to watch Carmelo Anthony put up 31 points or Chris Paul dish out 14 assists… on my bench.

Good times.

But despite any bias by the national media, I have to admit that there are some bonuses to everything starting two hours earlier than what I am used to.

It's nice to have Major League Baseball games start at five in the afternoon from the East Coast and there aren't any more annoying “late games” listed in the paper the following day. I can’t wait for football season to roll around and have the luxury of waking up to college football starting as early as 10 a.m. on a Saturday. It will also be the greatest getting home from church on a Sunday and not having to sit through those obnoxious pre-game shows anymore because the early games kickoff at 11.

And with Monday Night Football starting at 6:30 p.m. instead of 8:30, I will actually be able to watch an entire game without having to down a case of Red Bull and stumble through work like a zombie the following day.

I guess those perks will make the sacrifice of having to get my degree in Sports Time Zoneology a little more tolerable.

All I know is that I can promise you that my little scheduling faux pas from last week won’t ever happen again while I'm out here. When I heat up my cardboard pizza, pour myself a cold beverage and lay back in my recliner for the rest of the NCAA basketball tourney, I’m going to be on time this time.

Case in point: I just saw a commercial for the game I want to see this weekend and the television coverage starts at noon in the east and it’s being played in Indianapolis and that’s in the Central time zone, so I need to subtract one, divide by eight, carry the three… oh, wait… no, I need to divide by five and multiply by the square root of 47 and then…

Ok, can somebody help me?

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LIVING LIFE: The Sports Wedding Calendar

2010-10-23T12:36:00.029-04:00

I don't think my love of sports – OK, obsession with sports– is any big secret to anyone that really knows me; however, here lately I'm beginning to believe that the rest of the world isn’t sharing in my passion.

One of my best buddies, Paulie, just got engaged. He and his fiancé decided to have to have their wedding next month.

In November.

During one of the best annual sports stretches of the year.

“I know, I know,” Paul said. “Don’t even start with me.”

“I just want to make sure that you realize that you will be getting married during a college football Saturday,” I responded.

“Yes,” he said, becoming more dejected. “I'm well aware of the situation.”

“Then you will be leaving on your honeymoon and missing the NFL on Sunday, Monday Night Football on Monday, and a whole week of NBA games during the week,” I added.

“Just tell me where to turn in my Man Card," he said, now sulking.

Paul’s wedding will be just one more instance in what’s becoming a disturbing trend as of late. Within the past two years, I have missed a lot of March Madness basketball, tons of college football, almost missed Game 3 of the World Series featuring my favorite team, and the PGA Championship all because of weddings.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I did miss the PGA Championship because of my own wedding, but still… you get the point)

The problem isn’t that my friends are maliciously scheduling their nuptials during prime time sporting events on purpose, it’s just that we haven't been better informed as to when all of the prime time sporting events are being played. So, that’s what I’m here to do.

You’re welcome, world.

At the most recent wedding that my wife and I attended that was scheduled during an important game, I started to get a little chirpy. I began to pontificate profusely about how if you do get married during a huge sporting event, then you should have to be required to take into consideration all the men that have no desire to even be there in the first place (I lost it during that eternity between the ceremony and the reception, when you have to wait for the wedding party to finish taking pictures. Gets me every time).

I added that it should be mandated to have televisions strategically placed throughout the reception area because there will always be some big game on somewhere throughout the year.

Not wanting to force brides into having to deal with installing extra television sets, my wife wanted to know when the best times of the year are to have a wedding based on the annual sports calendar to make everyone happy.

And to shut me up.

After careful consideration and extended research, I have come to the rescue and have compiled a very helpful calendar that everyone can now use to schedule their future weddings around major sports events.

Men, I would suggest printing this out immediately and keeping it in your wallet because information this revolutionary tends to “disappear” quickly.

DATES YOU CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING BECAUSE OF CONFLICT WITH SPORTS:

- January 1 (NHL Outdoor Winter Classic)
- The rest of January (NFL Playoffs)
- First weekend in February (Super Bowl)
- Second weekend in February (NBA All-Star Weekend)
- March (March Madness)
- The first weekend in April (the Final Four and MLB opening weekend)
- The second weekend in April (The Masters)
- The last weekend of April (NFL Draft)
- May (NBA playoffs)
- June (NBA Finals)
- September (College and NFL football return)
- October (MLB playoffs, NHL returns, football every weekend)
- November (NBA returns, glorious football)
- December (NBA, NFL, NHL in full swing, college football bowl season)

DATES YOU CAN HAVE A WEDDING THAT WON'T CONFLICT WITH SPORTS:

- Last two weekends of February
- July
- August
- The third weekend in April*

*July and August are always the safest because baseball is the only sport being played at the time and no one actively wants to get married at the end of February. Besides, even if you do dodge a bullet with scheduling your wedding on that open weekend of April this year, your subsequent anniversaries will inevitably come back to haunt you for the rest of your life.

No need to be a hero, pal. As you can clearly see, there are pleeeeenty of other acceptable dates.

Here's my ultimate point: guys know that when we are in relationships, situations are going to come up where we are not going to get to watch every minute of every sporting event during the calendar year. But we just want women to understand that before you came along, this is all we did.

There's no grand mystery to solve about us.

My answer to every one of my wife’s questions pertaining to my life before her is always some variation of, "I was at my buddy's house watching the game."

How about a compromise? For every regular season game that we miss because we were at the mall with you, can we just please stop scheduling our weddings during MAJOR sporting events like March Madness or the World Series or the PGA Championship? And not just for us, but for every man that will be forced against his will to come be a part of our special day.

Is that really too much to ask?

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LIVING LIFE: Giving Me the Business

2010-10-19T07:24:00.000-04:00

Our one year of marriage is the longest my Wife has been without a dog in her house since she was in elementary school and it’s starting to get to her. Everywhere we go, she oooh’s and ahhh’s at every dog we see. She even has a “Puppy of the Day” feature on her iGoogle homepage that I’m forced to suffer through looking at every evening.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want a dog. I love dogs. I can’t wait to have a dog. But I keep trying to explain to my darling bride that the only issue keeping us from having a dog is that we can barely afford to take care of the two of us right now. Let alone one of man’s best friends.

Fortunately, I have found a decent alternative to keep her temporarily happy while we wait on getting our own canine companion. Our friend, Laura, lets us occasionally puppy-sit her Lhasa-Poodle mix, Millie, whenever she has to go out of town or if my Wife just desperately needs a doggy fix.

We have watched Millie a hundred times in the past and Laura asked if we could watch her last weekend because she had a lot of things to do and didn’t want to leave Millie alone for an extended period of time. Normally, this wouldn’t have been an issue, except for the fact that this particular weekend, my Wife was ALSO going to be out of town for a friend’s wedding.

Not wanting to leave Laura – or her dog – in a jam, I offered to take care of Millie by myself for the weekend.

Much to the surprise of My Wife.

“What’s the big deal?” I said to her. “I used to take care of my parents’ dog all the time by myself.”

“I know,” she said. “But this is someone else’s dog. What if something goes wrong?”

“What could possibly go wrong?” I responded defensively.

I should really start reading my own columns.

Laura dropped Millie off at our apartment on Friday night and we had a great evening. We played with her toys. We went out for walks. We watched the baseball playoffs (that reminds me, I still owe Mils money on the bet we had).

And as I drifted off to sleep that night with Millie cuddled up next to me, I was hooked. When my Wife got back in town, we were going to get our own dog. No matter the cost.

Saturday morning started off as pleasant as Friday had ended. I took Millie for a long walk and it’s important to note that she… um… took care of her business while we were out. We came back in the apartment and I jumped in the shower, only to find another nice little surprise when I got out.

She took care of business on our carpet.

Not a big deal, dogs do that kind of stuff all the time. Quick clean up and we were good to go.

Or so I thought.

About an hour later, I took her out for another walk and she took care of business three more times. I was getting a little concerned because, while I’m not expert, this seemed like a lot for a small dog in one morning.

We weren’t back in the house 10 minutes after the walk before she handled her business on the carpet again.

At this point, I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to call Laura just in case something was medically wrong with Millie but my pride stepped in and convinced me there was no way I was going to fail at dog sitting.

I decided to have a little pep talk with Millie.

“Hey Mils,” I started. “Any chance we can tone down the business inside the house?”

Millie looked directly into my soul and I could instantly tell what she was thinking.

“You’re mine, buddy. I own you. I’m going to do whatever I want and you’re going to like it.”

Uh, oh.

After business was conducted on two more walks in the afternoon, I thought we were done for the night. Millie snuggled up next to me on the couch while I was watching television and I was starting to nod off when I noticed her getting up off the couch.

In what could have only been maybe a full minute, Millie did her business in three different places on our carpet.

Naturally the shock and smell caused me throw up on the carpet too.

Realizing something must be really wrong, I finally had to call Laura to come pick up Millie and spent the rest of the night cleaning the business filled war zone that had become our living room.

When my Wife got back home the next day, she couldn’t resist.

“How did it go?” She chuckled.

“Great,” I snapped. “Guess who is NEVER getting a dog?”

“Oh, come on,” she said. “Just consider it good diaper changing practice for when we have a baby.”

“BABY?!”

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LIVING LIFE: Pretty Fly for a White Guy

2010-10-12T08:07:00.006-04:00

Now that I’ve gotten a little bit older and have a little bit more money, airline travel has become one of my new favorite past times (and let’s remember to keep the emphasis on “little” in both of those cases).

I've always loved traveling in general, but driving back and forth across this great country of ours four times already has burnt me out on long road trips for a while. In the meantime, I'm appreciating being able to travel more conveniently through the friendly skies.

The only problem is that every aspect of flying goes against every aspect of my nature.

There’s too much waiting that goes into flying. You have to wait in line to check any bags. Then you have to wait to disrobe in the security line. Then you have to wait at the gate to board the plane. Then you have to wait for the plane to take off.

Then there’s the worst wait of all: when you’ve landed and you’re dying to get off the plane but you have to wait for the flight attendants to help the one idiot dislodge his slightly too large bag from the overhead compartment.

Considering how I flip out if I have to wait at a stoplight longer than a minute and a half, this is not a doctor recommended list of activities for me.

Oh, and then there’s the actual flying.

I know it is all science and physics but if I can’t even comprehend how it’s possible for me to program my DVR at home from my computer at work, I’m never going to get past a man-made aircraft lifting off the ground and flying through the air.

At the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of people climbing into a metal tube and hoping for the best.

But when my Wife and I decided to move almost 2,000 miles away from most of our family and friends, flying suddenly became a necessary evil.

I’m proud to admit that almost two years in, I’m finally starting to calm down, relax, and borderline enjoy it. During take-offs and touch-downs, I no longer have to cling on for dear life to my Wife or, worse yet, the absolute stranger sitting next to me.

Baby steps.

What’s really strange, though, is that when I went to meet a buddy in Missouri last weekend, I realized that I am slowly starting to take on somewhat of a Clive Bixby alter ego when I fly.

First, I noticed that during that aforementioned wait at the gate, I always buy the most recent issue of Esquire magazine. I know that’s that not ridiculously abnormal; Esquire is a well-known, widely read publication. But it is kind of abnormal when you take into account the fact that after buying the magazine a few times at airports last year, I even subscribed to receive it at our house... only to never read it… unless I was on an airplane.

We finally had to plan random flights just to unload the stack of unread issues that were piling up on our coffee table.

Then I observed something unusual when the attendants come by mid-flight for my drink order. I always order tomato juice. In my everyday life, I NEVER drink tomato juice. It’s basically thinned out ketchup. Once again, after ordering it a few times on flights last year, I picked up some tomato juice to keep at our house... only to never drink it… unless I was on an airplane.

Is there some kind of clinical diagnosis for this kind of alternative behavior?

I mean, other than just being a weirdo?

Finally, I have become increasingly aware that I spend money like a drunken sailor whenever I fly. At home, I am militant when it comes to our finances, but when I get out of town I spend it like we got it. I also become a very generous tipper and will tip anyone for doing anything for me.

It’s no coincidence that every city I visit experiences a temporary economic spike. I’ve actually received a few “Thank You” cards from town officials.

I genuinely like who I am as a person, but my alter-ego seems to be having more fun than I ever do. So the truly bizarre question then becomes that if this world traveling-Esquire reading-tomato drinking-free spending son of a gun is fundamentally 36% cooler than I am, why can’t I be him all the time?

Maybe it’s because when you get bogged down in the routine of everyday life, you just need something different – or someone different – to look forward to when climbing into a metal tube and hoping for the best.

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LIVING LIFE: The Playoff Beard

2010-10-05T07:12:00.000-04:00

As I have mentioned before, my Wife and I never argue about anything of actual importance; but our disagreements are always of the utmost significance to us.

Here is the transcript of a recent hum-dinger:

ME: It’s officially October! You know what that means, don't you?

MY WIFE: Yes! Cooler weather and awesome weekend trips to the mountains!

ME: And if by “awesome weekend trips to the mountains” you mean staying home to watch a ton of football and baseball playoffs, then you are correct!

MY WIFE: Ugh, is it really baseball playoff time, again?

ME: Yes… it is finally baseball playoff time again.

MY WIFE: You’re not going to grow that gross, scraggily playoff beard again are you?

ME: I HAVE to!

MY WIFE: No you don’t. It makes no difference on how your team plays!

ME: Umm… let’s review the facts.

MY WIFE: Here we go.

ME: In 2007, I didn’t grow the beard and they got swept in the first round. In 2008, I grew the beard and they won the World Series. In 2009, I grew the beard and they made it to the World Series and then I shaved the beard for that stupid Halloween costume and then they lost. I rest my case.

MY WIFE: But we were so cute as Joan and Roger!

ME: Yes, but I cost us the Series.

MY WIFE: And you almost cost your friendship with your buddy Gray in ’08 when you wore that thing as a groomsman during his wedding.

ME: Yes, but I can’t help that he scheduled his wedding during my favorite team’s first World Series appearance in 28 years.

MY WIFE: But you were in their pictures!

ME: But it was Game 3!

MY WIFE: Is Halloween during the World Series this year?

ME: Yep. Game 4 will be on Halloween night.

MY WIFE: So what costumes are we going to wear?

ME: I have no idea! That's almost a full month away. You can dress up as whatever you want.

MY WIFE: No, we have to be a matching couple! We’ve been Fred and Daphne, Joan and Roger and I thought we were going to be Jim and Pam from “The Office” this year.

ME: We can still be Jim and Pam.

MY WIFE: But Jim doesn’t have a beard!

ME: That we know of.

MY WIFE: No! We have to look authentic. What famous characters wear beards?

ME: I don’t know. I’ll just go as a baseball player again.

MY WIFE: NO! You did already two years ago!

ME: Because we won the World Series that year!

MY WIFE: You’re not wearing a costume you’ve already worn!

ME: We were living 2,000 miles away back then! No one out here will know!

MY WIFE: But I will!

ME: Fine. Let’s look online and see what famous characters have worn beards.

(We spend a few minutes doing an Internet search)

MY WIFE: Well, it looks like we’re down to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jules Winnfield.

ME: What if I did Obi-Wan and you dressed up as Princess Leia in her Jabba’s palace costume?

MY WIFE: I can’t.

ME: Sure you can!

MY WIFE: Noooo, I can’t.

ME: I will grant you that costume is a little revealing–

MY WIFE: No, it's not that! It's because she’s not a redhead.

ME: Wait, what?

MY WIFE: She doesn’t have beautiful red hair like me, so I can’t be her.

ME: So let me get this straight. You can only dress up as female characters for Halloween that have red hair like yours - on a night where the whole point is to dress up as someone else?

MY WIFE: “Beautiful” red hair. Yes, that is correct. Daphne, Joan, Pam… seeing a pattern?

ME: Yeah, but I thought those were just convenient, not mandatory.

MY WIFE: Sorry, don’t know what to tell you.

ME: So what’s the list of remaining, available characters that have red hair–

MY WIFE: Uh, excuse me...

ME: Sorry, what is the list of remaining, available characters that have beautiful red hair?

MY WIFE: Of the top of my beautiful red head, I can think of Wilma Flintsone, Jane Jetson…

ME: Hey, I like that one! I could get a wig and be George Jetson!

MY WIFE: But he doesn’t have a beard!

ME: Well then you just better hope that we lose before we even get to the World Series so that I can find a more accommodating Halloween character to be with you!

MY WIFE (with a devilish grin): Well if that’s an option…

ME: DON’T YOU DARE!

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LIVING LIFE: Fantasy Turned Nightmare

2010-09-13T16:50:00.011-04:00

Seven years ago, my buddy Paulie introduced me to something that would change my life forever: fantasy football.

Being the raging sports fan that I am, this discovery was the equivalent of the creation of the Internet or man landing on the moon or even Columbus finding America.

Fantasy is perfect for people like me who cannot get enough football only on Sundays and want to feel more connected and involved in the sport. And it is exponentially less pathetic than just creating a fantasy team in the Madden video game because you’re actually dealing with real players who are playing real games.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still ridiculously pathetic.

Fantasy also provides me a way to stay connected with my friends who live all over the country. My Wife will call up one of her girlfriends back East and they will talk for hours about their lives and the latest gossip. Yeah, my friends and I aren’t going to do that. I haven’t had an actual conversation with my buddy Chris in probably six months, but we text 10 times a day about potential fantasy football moves.

So for the most part, the fantasy pros have heavily outweighed the cons until something unexpected happened.

The one league I was a part of wasn’t good enough anymore.

Four years ago, I got invited to play in another league that was set up slightly different from my original league and I thought I’d give it a try for a season. If I had been as bad in that league as I was in my first league (and still am), I probably would have been one and done. But no, I had to win the championship that very first year in the new league and then something even worse happened.

Two leagues weren’t good enough anymore.

Fast forward to the start of the current NFL season and I am in not one, not two, not three but FOUR fantasy football leagues.

And I can justify them all.

I’m in a 12 team/dynasty keeper league, an 8 team/2 player keeper league, a 10 team/auction draft league, and a 12 team/standard draft league.

So, there.

But now I have problems that I have never dreamed of before. With so many players on four different teams, I will inevitably have too many of my own players playing against myself in the other leagues. It was tough to enjoy Justin Bieber... uh, I mean Tom Brady’s 3 TD performance for one of my teams on Sunday when I knew he was obliterating the Bengals defense, which I had starting for one of my other teams.

Even that was nothing compared to the convoluted chaos I found myself in on Monday night. In one league, I had an 18 point lead over an opponent who only had Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles left to play. In another league, I had a 12 point lead over an opponent who only had Ravens running back Ray Rice. And in another league, I was trailing by 10 points but I HAD Charles and Rice. So I needed just enough from both, but not too much from either.

Hours later, I’m still confused as to how it all played out.

To be fair, the fantasy gods did try to warn me this year. I only wanted to do two leagues but I got roped into playing in the other two at the last minute (by “roped” I mean I was invited and instantly said, “Yes!”) and endured terrible draft experiences in both of those leagues.

In one of those leagues, we decided to bring our laptops to a local sports bar and hold the draft there. I logged in a half hour before the draft was supposed to start to check my Internet connection and everything was fine… until two minutes before the draft when I lost the connection.

The draft started and I scrambled to get back online and the computer started auto-picking players for me. And it was as if the computer had a personal vendetta against me as it drafted players I normally hate in fantasy and real football – including the starting quarterback, running back, AND wide receiver from my least favorite real NFL team.

Thanks, computer.

At least missing half of that draft was better than the other draft in which I missed the entire draft all together. Thought the draft was at 7 p.m. but it was at six, so I logged in at 6:45 the draft was already over.

I'm getting sloppier than Andy Reid blowing through timeouts.

After that debacle, I promised myself right then and there that I’m only going to play in one league next year.

Or maybe five.

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LIVING LIFE: With This Ring

2010-09-06T17:55:00.000-04:00

My Wife is very cool about a lot of the nonsense that I put her through. Her life consists of watching a lot of sports, watching me play video games, calming me down on a regular basis, and watching a LOT of sports.

I still can’t see her angle on why she married me, but I’m sure she has one.

But the one and only thing that she is not cool about is when I don’t wear my wedding ring. She’s never said why it bothers her so much and I’ve never asked, but if you want to see her go from normal to Jwoww in .04 seconds, come over to our place and watch me slide my ring off.

The only problem with this being her only problem is that I hate wearing my ring. Not because of what it stands for, I just can’t stand wearing jewelry of any kind.

So this was a borderline-to-legitimate issue when we were planning to get married.

ME: I don’t really have to wear a wedding ring when we get married, do I?

MY WIFE: Don’t even try to get out of this one. YOU HAVE TO WEAR A RING.

ME: It’s not like I have a cavalcade of women knocking down my door so what’s the difference if I don’t wear one? Can’t I just get a tattoo around my ring finger?

MY WIFE: Yes, you can get a tattoo. I will let you get a tattoo instead of wearing a ring if you get one that says “I love my wife more than anything else in the world, she is so beautiful and I’m so lucky to have her and I will buy her flowers every day for the rest of my life.”

ME: Hmmm… Can I put that on a sign to wear around my neck instead?

Since that idea bombed worse than MacGruber (sorry, Will Forte!), I suddenly found myself in a jewelry store trying to pick out a ring. I didn’t care about price, quality, or design. The only thing I was concerned with was the weight. I asked the guy at the store for the lightest ring he had and told him I would even be fine with wrapping a few pipe cleaners around my finger.

We finally found a ring that was a suitable compromise for the both of us and I started to wear it a few weeks out before the wedding so I could get used to it. I was miserable for about a week. I was constantly aware of it and it felt like my left hand weighed a ton. Even worse, I felt like one of those poor animals that had been tagged in the ear for tracking purposes.

But then a funny thing happened, we got married and I got used to wearing it. I got so used to wearing it that I now feel weird when I’m NOT wearing it.

Another brilliant tactical development by the female gender.

So that - and the fear of my Wife - is what caused me to freak out a couple of weeks ago when I left the house to run a few errands only to realize that for the first time in over a year, I had forgotten to wear my ring.

I was grabbing a couple quick items in the grocery store when I looked down at my hand on the shopping cart and noticed the ring wasn’t there. My first thought was, “Where is my Wife right now?” Because if she was home and saw it lying there while I was out, I might as well never go back.

Once I had the calming realization that she was out of the house as well, I looked at my phone to see what time it was (I won't even wear a wrist watch). She said she would be home by noon. It was currently 11:45 a.m. and I was at least 15 minutes away from our house. I literally left the cart in the middle of the aisle and sprinted to my car.

Now I know why she’s with me – she owns me.

I screamed at every slow driver that I passed (this was before my massage) as I blew through stoplights, racing home like Memphis Raines. I pulled in to my parking spot at our apartment just in time to see my Wife turn the corner in her car. I deftly slipped my left hand into my jeans’ pocket and walked briskly to our front door. Once inside, I ran to our bedroom, found my ring on my nightstand, and exhaled deeply as my lovely bride walked in.

I came out and gave her a big, anxiety-ridden hug only to see her pause and stiffen up.

MY WIFE: You haven't been wearing your ring, have you?

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LIVING LIFE: Broke My Back Mountain

2010-08-28T16:34:00.018-04:00

I’ve been a little stressed out lately.

Nothing more than usual. I’ve just been feeling more frustrations at work, with our finances, and with all the “Glee” Emmy nominations.

You know, typical stuff.

Normally, I can deal with life’s simple struggles without breaking stride, but here recently I’ve been incapable of handling even the most insignificant issues.

So when my Wife and I were making plans to celebrate our first wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago, she was determined to find me some rest and relaxation. She pitched a weekend retreat to a resort up in the mountains that included a couples’ massage and spa package.

At first I was hesitant because I’ve never really been into the whole intimate massage scene. But when I found myself screaming at an old man because he wasn’t taking a right hand turn at a stop light as quickly as I would have liked, I knew that these were desperate times calling for similar measures.

Besides, I had gotten a massage once before a couple of years ago, and it wasn’t completely terrible – despite the fact that it violated every rule I steadfastly maintain in regards to protecting my personal space.

When my Wife and I got to the massage place (is it a “place”? Salon? Parlor?), a woman with a heavy French accent greeted us and took us to our massage room. She invited us to sit in a steam room for a few minutes and that they would be back to give us our massages (more on “they” in a moment).

ME: So we just go sit in the steam room?

MY WIFE: Yeah. What’s wrong?

ME: What do you do in there? Just sit?

MY WIFE: Yes, it’s supposed to be relaxing?

ME: Well, what do you wear? Your clothes will get wet if you’re just sitting there in steam.

(If you can’t already tell, I am painfully new to all of this)

MY WIFE: You don’t wear anything.

ME: WHAAAAT? You just sit there... naked... doing nothing... just looking at each other?

MY WIFE: It’s supposed to be romantic.

ME: Are you supposed to do… something in there? How is that any fun? It’s already way too hot and steamy in.

It’s a minor miracle that she stayed married to me for an entire year.

After five minutes of us sitting in the steam room in all of our awkward glory, we dried off and the woman returned to get us set up for our massages.

To measure what kind of intensity we wanted, she said she was going to squeeze our necks with her hand and then we would tell her if we wanted more or less pressure. She then proceeded to give us each a Vulcan death grip and after we picked ourselves up from the floor, we both told her that we wanted less pressure.

A lot less pressure.

She laughed one of those evil villain laughs and said “they” would return in a minute to begin. In a moment of panic, I pawned my Wife off to Annie Wilkes and ran to the other table, knowing that whoever came in couldn’t be any worse.

I’ve been wrong before, but I have never been quite this wrong.

Like from some terrifying horror film, the door slowly opened and a hulking beast of a man walked in. His name was "Steve" and he looked like a henchmen from a 1980’s Sly Stallone movie. He was wearing short gym shorts and a tank top with muscles bulging out of his muscles.

Based on the pressure the French lady applied to my kneck, my very first thought looking at him was, “Well, I had a good run.”

Like I said earlier, my only memory of a massage wasn’t that bad. As much as I didn’t like being touched all over, it was genuinely relaxing on the whole.

This experience would be defined as the opposite of that.

Steve crunched and crushed every bone he could find in my body. I kept trying to remember the secret war plans that had I had apparently been brainwashed with so that I could give them up and end this torment.

At one point he pressed down on my back so hard that I legitimately saw my soul trying to escape out of my physical frame. The crazy thing is that I didn’t try to stop it.

My Wife sauntered out of her massage relaxed and rejuvenated. I limped out and, weeks later, still have nightmares.

MY WIFE: So, do you feel any better?

ME: Well, I’m too broken and sore to feel stressed and angry.

MY WIFE: Mission accomplished.

ME: Thanks?

Follow Josh on Twitter @Just_Being_Josh and follow @INDT_popculture for entertainment updates

Classic Sitcom Scene of the Day

2010-08-26T09:46:00.002-04:00

A pre-"Back to the Future" Christopher Lloyd proves why he is one of the comedic greats in this epic scene from "Taxi". Of course showing this scene as a classic is like showing Jordan dunking from the foul line, but I just want to ease everyone into the new feature.

Feel free to comment below with any of your favorite sitcom moments and I'll get them posted in the coming days (and as a bonus, I have also posted the Classic Sitcom Scene of the Day from yesterday since it was only included on my twitter account)

"SLOW DOWN"

"Poor Horatio"

Follow Josh on Twitter @Just_Being_Josh and follow @INDT_popculture for entertainment updates

Living Life: My Resolution is Not Working Out

2010-08-02T18:31:00.013-04:00

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions.

My thinking has been that if I couldn’t make something happen in the first two decades of my life, it’s probably not going to happen now.

But this year was different. Coming into 2010, I committed myself to getting into shape. Not necessarily peak physical condition – just some semblance of any actual shape, as opposed to the blob of flesh I have turned into.

I don’t know where it all went wrong. In my teens and early 20’s, I was one of the most active people I knew. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I got off track somewhere between the introduction of fantasy football and DVR technology.

Recently, however, even I had to concede that there were some minor health related issues starting to develop. Simple tasks such as climbing a small set of stairs, standing up from a sitting position, or even breathing had suddenly become more difficult; so I promised my Wife I would start working out with her.

The only problem with working out with my Wife is that she is one of those weird human beings that actually enjoys inflicting pain upon her body. I’ve never understood that mentality and that’s always been my biggest barrier to physical fitness.

Why do something that hurts when it feels so good to do something that doesn’t?

With carefully crafted excuses and "schedule conflicts", I was able to hold her off for a few months but when her dad surprised us with a membership to a gym (that sits in front of our apartment) as an early anniversary present, I knew my goose was cooked.

I could sleep easy at night knowing I was blowing off a gym membership that I paid for, but there was no way I could live with myself when it is on someone else’s dime.

Part of our package included two free hour long sessions with a personal trainer and I found myself dreading this more than anything else. Blame it on the male pride, but I just pictured some perfectly sculpted Adonis laughing at me as I lay crying on the floor trying to complete a single sit-up.

So I was actually a little relieved when I got a call from a perky female trainer to set up my appointment. She was exactly what I needed to get back into the flow of things. She was extremely nice and personable even though we both knew she was probably judging me a little on the inside.

Unfortunately, once the clock started on our session her niceness disappeared faster than a thought from Snooki’s brain.

It was like one of those hours where time stands still and you think 40 minutes have gone by but then you look at the clock and see that it’s only been 12. Three minutes in, I thought I was going to throw up. 17 minutes in, I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. And 33 minutes in, I knew I was going to throw up.

For the last bit of our session, she put me on a treadmill right next to my Wife and of course they had to hit it off. It was one of those nightmarish scenarios that you feared in high school (or at least I did) where two girls were making fun of you... right in front of you.

MY WIFE (jogging along at a breezy pace on her treadmill): It’s taken me so long to get him to come here with me.

TRAINER: Oh, I know, my husband was a big wimp at first too.

ME (hanging on for dear life to the treadmill that I’m pretty sure the trainer set to “Rocket Launch” speed): I’M RIGHT HERE. I CAN HEAR YOU!

The pain suffered during that hour was nothing compared to the soreness I felt for the next couple of days. To talk on my cell phone, I literally had to use one arm to prop the other arm with the phone up to my ear. To add more injury to injury, I contracted an annoying head cold a few days later. Between the head cold affecting my balance and the stiffness throughout my body, I lurched around our apartment like a zombie.

I hate to admit it, but now that I’m past the initial push, I’m starting to feel a little better on the whole. Softball season starts this week and it will be nice to get to first base without the aid of a stretcher.

It only took me seven full months, but I’m finally starting to make good on my resolution.

Next year, I’m going to commit to something I can handle. I’m going to be the best nap taker of 2011.

Follow Josh on Twitter @Just_Being_Josh

She Knows Me Too Well

2010-07-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

My Wife is both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me.

She is the best because she is loving, caring, and supportive. She is sweet but sophisticated, fun but has depth, and has a vivacious appetite for living life. She makes me want to be the man she needs.

She is the worst because I can’t pull anything past her.

Since we have been friends for so long, she already knew all of my tricks and schemes when we started dating. At first, this was comforting because I could finally relax in a relationship. There were a few times early on that I tried running from the commitment but she didn’t freak out and just wouldn’t let me go.

Being with someone more stubborn than me was pretty much my only hope of ever getting married.

But now that we have been married for almost a year, she knows how to handle me a little too well for my tastes. For example: whenever I didn’t want to participate in an event or activity in a previous relationship, I just whined and moaned about it enough until the other person didn’t want to listen to me anymore and finally gave up on my involvement.

This plane doesn’t even get off the ground with my Wife.

It all became obvious last week while I was watching the Major League baseball All-Star game and then I noticed her standing at the front door with a plate of cookies.

MY WIFE: Are you ready?

ME: For what?

MY WIFE: To take these cookies to Abby and her husband. I told you about this.

ME: WHO IS ABBY?

MY WIFE: The girl that we met at church a couple of weeks ago. They just got married and live in our apartment complex.

ME: We have to go now?

MY WIFE: Yes. She is not feeling well and I told her I would drop off some cookies and say congratulations on getting married, and oh, I don’t know, maybe be a good neighbor.

ME: But during the All-Star game?

MY WIFE: They live right next door. It will take all of two minutes.

(Two minutes later when we are still walking through our complex)

ME: You said they live right next door. We have already passed 20 “next” doors.

MY WIFE: They live at the other end of the complex.

ME: You said they live “next door”! The other end is like a mile away! We should have taken the car.

MY WIFE: We are not going to drive the car to another building within our own complex. Besides, the walk is good for us.

ME: I will walk with you anytime, just not during the All-Star game! You said it would only take two minutes so I didn’t record it or pause it. I just better not miss anything.

(Two minutes later when we are still walking and my cell phone is blowing up after the National League has taken a 3-1 lead on a dramatic bases loaded triple)

ME: UGGGGGGGH!!! WHERE ARE WE GOING???

(Two minutes later when we FINALLY get to their front door)

ME: Can you promise that you will just hand them the cookies so we can go?

MY WIFE: Of course, this is not going to take long. She’s not feeling well anyway.

(The husband answers and invites us in)

ME: Oh, we were just dropping off the cookies, we really don’t want to bother you.

MY WIFE: Well, we don’t want to be rude!

(She walks in)

ME: Unbelievable.

The next 10 minutes were spent talking about their wedding, my Wife asking the other wife about planning a kitchen accessories party, and the other wife showing my Wife some of their wedding presents while me and the other guy stood there in the inevitable husband silence.

It was in that moment that I realized that my Wife is a genius criminal mastermind. She knew all along how far away their house was, she knew that it was going to take longer than two minutes and she still somehow got me to go with her.

I may have been kicking and screaming the whole time, but she still got me to go with her.

Her real brilliance is that she is smart enough not to fight with me because she knows that’s what I want. If I can get someone bickering with me, I know that I can eventually wear them down. But somehow she maintains a positive demeanor throughout and doesn’t show any vulnerability to my attacks.

Do I really not get to her? That's what I can't figure out. Or is she just sweeping it under the rug for now and one day it’s going to explode in the form of her tell-all memoirs titled, “That Guy Was Such a Pain in My Face”.

I honestly can’t tell yet but I’m enjoying the process of getting to know someone better as we navigate through this existence together.

Even though she’s already got me pegged.

Follow Josh on Twitter @Just_Being_Josh

Network TV Fall Schedules Announced

2010-05-19T10:37:00.018-04:00

Since the major broadcast networks announced their respective fall lineups this week, I thought I'd do a quick breakdown of what will be new, what will be different, and a night-by-night listing (all times Mountain Standard Time) of each net's schedule

It's the least I can do for taking that extended hiatus.

ABC

What's New: ABC trots out new dramas "No Ordinary Family", "Detroit 1-8-7", "Body of Proof", and "My Generation" as we all try to cope in a post-"Lost" universe. JoAnna Garcia ("Privileged") stars in ABC's lone new comedy for the fall season. "Mr. Sunshine" starring Matthew Perry ("Friends") will debut midseason

What's Different: Not much. "The Middle" was the only existing show to move to a new timeslot.

** - New Show
* - New Timeslot

MONDAY
7:00 p.m. Dancing with the Stars
9:00 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY
7:00 p.m. No Ordinary Family**
8:00 p.m. Dancing with the Stars the Results Show
9:00 p.m. Detroit 1-8-7**

WEDNESDAY
7:00 p.m. The Middle*
7:30 p.m. Better Together**
8:00 p.m. Modern Family
8:30 p.m. Cougar Town
9:00 p.m. The Whole Truth**

THURSDAY
7:00 p.m. My Generation**
8:00 p.m. Grey’s Anatomy
9:00 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY
7:00 p.m. Secret Millionaire**
8:00 p.m. Body of Proof**
9:00 p.m. 20/20

SATURDAY
6:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY
6:00 p.m. America’s Funniest Home Videos
7:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
8:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives
9:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters

For more on ABC's fall schedule, click here

CBS

What's New: The Eye probably has the most buzzworthy new shows heading into the fall season. Tom Selleck headlines the new drama "Blue Bloods" and I'm personally interested in the new "Hawaii Five-O" reboot. William Shatner stars in the new comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" based off the now infamous Twitter account of the same name. The "Criminal Minds" spinoff starring Forrest Whitaker will debut midseason.

What's Different: CBS also made the boldest moves of all the networks by far. "Survivor" moves from Thursdays to Wednesdays to sure up the one glaring weak night in the lineup. The 18-49 demo ratings monster "The Big Bang Theory" will now lead off Thursday night with "$#*! My Dad Says" following, making navigating Thursday nights even more difficult than ever before. Sigh...

** - New Show
* - New Timeslot

MONDAY
7:00 p.m. How I Met Your Mother
7:30 p.m. Rules of Engagement
8:00 p.m. Two and a Half Men
8:30 p.m. Mike & Molly**
9:00 p.m. Hawaii Five-O**

TUESDAY
7:00 p.m. NCIS
8:00 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles
9:00 p.m. The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY
7:00 p.m. Survivor*
8:00 p.m. Criminal Minds
9:00 p.m. The Defenders**

THURSDAY
7:00 p.m. The Big Bang Theory*
7:30 p.m. $#*! My Dad Says**
8:00 p.m. CSI
9:00 p.m. The Mentalist

FRIDAY
7:00 p.m. Medium*
8:00 p.m. CSI: NY*
9:00 p.m. Blue Bloods**

SATURDAY
7:00 p.m. Crimetime Saturday
8:00 p.m. Crimetime Saturday
9:00 p.m. 48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY
6:00 p.m. 60 Minutes
7:00 p.m. The Amazing Race
8:00 p.m. Undercover Boss
9:00 p.m. CSI: Miami

FOX

What's New: Sign me up for anything starring Will Arnett and his former "Arrested Development" writers ("Running Wilde")

What's Different: Apparently Fox finally got the memo concerning the annual surplus of "American Idol". Starting this season, the performance night of "Idol" with only be an hour and a half and the results show will be 30 minutes. Finally!

** - New Show
* - New Timeslot

MONDAY
7:00 p.m. House
8:00 p.m. Lonestar**

TUESDAY
7:00 p.m. Glee*
8:00 p.m. Raising Hope**
8:30 p.m. Running Wilde**

WEDNESDAY
7:00 p.m. Lie to Me*
8:00 p.m. Hell’s Kitchen*

THURSDAY
7:00 p.m. Bones
8:00 p.m. Fringe

FRIDAY
7:00 p.m. Human Target*
8:00 p.m. The Good Guys*

SATURDAY
7:00 p.m. COPS
7:30 p.m. COPS
8:00 p.m. America’s Most Wanted

SUNDAY
6:00 p.m. The OT (NFL post-game)
7:00 p.m. The Simpsons
7:30 p.m. The Cleveland Show
8:00 p.m. Family Guy
8:30 p.m. American Dad

Fox midseason schedule

MONDAY
7:00 p.m. House
8:00 p.m. Lonestar / Ride-Along**

TUESDAY
7:00 p.m. American Idol performance show
8:30 p.m. Running Wilde / Mixed Signals**

WEDNESDAY
7:00 p.m. Raising Hope
7:30 p.m. American Idol results show*
8:00 p.m. Glee*

THURSDAY
7:00 p.m. Bones
8:00 p.m. Fringe

FRIDAY
7:00 p.m. Human Target
8:00 p.m. Kitchen Nightmares

SATURDAY
7:00 p.m. COPS
7:30 p.m. COPS
8:00 p.m. America’s Most Wanted

SUNDAY
6:00 p.m. The Simpsons (encores)
6:30 p.m. American Dad*
7:00 p.m. The Simpsons
7:30 p.m. Bob’s Burgers**
8:00 p.m. Family Guy
8:30 p.m. The Cleveland Show*

For more on FOX's fall schedule, click here

NBC

What's New: With the Jay Leno 10 p.m. experiment scrapped from last season, the Peacock tries to get back on track with a lot of new offerings, including the J.J. Abrams spy-drama "Undercovers". And while I will certainly give it a chance, the new comedy, "Outsourced" might hit a little too close to home for me.

What's Different: This marks the first time in the past two decades that the "Law & Order" flagship series will not return to the lineup. Other than that, "L&O: SVU" and "30 Rock" are the only existing shows to change timeslots.

MONDAY
8 p.m. Chuck
9 p.m. The Event**
10 p.m. Chase**

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. Biggest Loser
10 p.m. Parenthood

WEDNESDAY
8 p.m. Undercovers**
9 p.m. Law & Order: SVU*
10 p.m. Law & Order: Los Angeles**

THURSDAY
8 p.m. Community
8:30 p.m. 30 Rock*
9 p.m. The Office
9:30 p.m. Outsourced**
10 p.m. Love Bites**

FRIDAY
8 p.m. Who Do You Think You Are/School Pride
9 p.m. Dateline
10 p.m. Outlaw**

SATURDAY
Repeats

SUNDAY
Sunday Night Football

For more on NBC's fall schedule, click here

I Hate New Jerseys

2010-04-26T12:11:00.008-04:00

Until recently, I used to love collecting professional sports jerseys.

Growing up as a Philadelphia sports fan, I had a Charles Barkley old school Sixers jersey and the Randall Cunningham Kelly green Eagles jersey. Even my first brush with being a Nuggets fan came with me as a kid designing my own 1980s rainbow styled jersey using a white tank top and entire box of Crayola markers (still my favorite uniforms to this day).

But collecting jerseys of your favorite players on your favorite teams just isn’t as fun as it used to be because your favorite players don’t seem to stay on your favorite teams as long as they used to.

Case in point: as a Christmas present in 2004, my parents got me a Terrell Owens Eagles jersey to wear for the Birds’ impending Super Bowl run (that, as we all know now, ended disastrously). Since T.O. was hurt for the first two playoff games, I didn’t wear the jersey until the Super Bowl, but it was going to be my go-to article of clothing for many seasons to come. Fast forward a few months to the fall out between Owens and the team (that, as we all know now, ended even more disastrously) and I NEVER wore the jersey again.

That’s right, I wore that stupid T.O. Eagles jersey a grand total of one time.

Another case in point: after Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall single-handedly led my fantasy football team to a championship a few years ago, he became my new favorite player in the NFL. When I decided to move to Denver a year and a half ago, my then-Girlfriend (now Wife) bought me a Marshall jersey as a “Welcome to Denver” gift. But since I didn’t arrive to the Mile High City until after the 2008 season was over, I only got to wear my Marshall jersey around town this past year while the mercurial receiver and head coach Josh McDaniels were at odds (and then, once again, we all know how that ended).

In this modern era of sports where players change teams so frequently, a fan's jersey can become outdated faster than technology.

And it’s not even the players changing teams that are killing fans in regards to team apparel anymore.

It’s the players changing numbers.

I feel sick every time I go to the Pepsi Center and see the thousands of poor, innocent fans that are stuck walking around with a Kenyon Martin #6 jersey or a Chauncey Billups #7 or a J.R. Smith #1. That’s three players on one team that have changed their uniform number over the past couple of years (Chauncey and J.R. made their switches just this season).

I feel even worse for Cleveland Cavalier fans monitoring the LeBron James situation. He is either going to leave for a new team or even if he stays, he’s decided to switch from wearing #23 to #6. So you’re basically screwed either way if you currently own a Cavs #23 jersey.

Thanks, King James.

This current trend of players switching teams and switching numbers so often has cooled me a bit on throwing down hard earned cash to wear their current incarnation for a limited time. But I still love wearing my team’s colors, so I have been looking for some solutions to this increasing problem.

1. Wear a throwback jersey. There was a time where I would have resisted this because, while I respect the past, I like to live in the present as a fan. But when the present starts changing faster than the prices at your corner gas station, honoring the past quickly becomes an attractive option. My buddy Kevin was the first of our group to do it. He is a fellow Eagles fan and a couple of years ago, he bought a Jerome Brown (R.I.P.) Kelly green Eagles jersey and I remember thinking to myself, “Hmm… that will never become obsolete.” I followed suit last season when my father in-law graciously gave me an adult sized Randall Cunningham throwback. I wore it during every Eagles game this past year and he is still my favorite Eagle.

2. Order a personalized jersey. While I love the Cunningham jersey, I still want to sport the Eagles new colors from time to time and I’ve been leaning heavily towards ordering a custom-made “Mahler” Eagles jersey. I would still have the throwback but I could represent the present with one guy I know will never get traded or leave.

3. Redeem an old jersey. Denver fans are in a very unique situation right now. There are literally thousands of local Broncos fans that got left stranded with an outdated #15 jersey after Marshall got traded (like me). But when the newly drafted Tim Tebow announced that he is going to wear the vacated number as a pro, that provided a very intriguing option to redeem those Marshall jerseys by just changing the name on the back. Now I have no idea what Tebow is going to do as a pro but I just don't want to throw away another obsolete jersey. I’ve done some searching online and of course the NFL doesn’t sell replacement nameplates (and they apparently take legal action on any one that does), but there has to be a way. Even if I have to write Tebow’s name over Marshall’s name with a sharpie, I’m not going to drop another 80 bucks on a jersey with a number that I already own.

Any other suggestions to this issue would be greatly appreciated.

2010 NFL Schedule is Announced

2010-04-20T19:32:00.007-04:00

We may not know yet who is supposed to score points for the Denver Broncos in 2010, but at least we know who they will be playing against.

The less than stellar finish last season coupled with the lack of star power had to be determining factors in the Broncs only getting one primetime game on the 2010 schedule (week 11 at San Diego), but overall, it looks to be a manageable path for a team trying to get back on the right one.

The schedule makers were gracious to Denver as they get the Colts and Jets (at home) out of the way relatively early and while they do have a vicious three game road trip late in the season, Kansas City (a Kurt Warner less) Arizona, and Oakland isn't the worst combination they could have inherited. Besides, they are rewarded with two home games to end the season.

Here is the full Broncos schedule for the 2010 campaign:

12 @ Jacksonville

9/19 SEATTLE

9/26 INDIANAPOLIS

10/3 @ Tennessee

10/10 @ Baltimore

10/17 NEW YORK JETS

10/24 OAKLAND

10/31 @ San Francisco (in London)

11/7 BYE

11/14 KANSAS CITY

11/22 @ San Diego (Monday Night)

11/28 ST. LOUIS

12/5 @ Kansas City

12/12 @ Arizona

12/19 @ Oakland

12/26 HOUSTON

1/2 SAN DIEGO

Around the rest of the league, here are some of the other noteable games:

- Vikings vs. Saints (Thursday, Sep 9) Rematch of last year's NFC title game to kick off the new year. Let's all hold our breath and wait for Brett Favre to decide if he is going to grace us with his presence.

- Cowboys vs. Redskins (Sunday Night, Sep 12) Donovan McNabb makes his Skins' debut against the rival Cowboys in the first Sunday night game of the season.

- Ravens vs. Jets (Monday Night, Sep 13) New York head coach Rex Ryan faces his old squad in the Jets' first game in their new stadium.

- Giants vs. Colts (Sunday Night, Sep 19) Manning Bowl!

- Redskins vs. Eagles (Sunday, Oct 3) McNabb makes his return to Philly.

- Steelers vs. Saints (Sunday Night, Oct 31) The NFL decides to go head to head with the World Series

- Saints vs. Cowboys (Thursday, Nov 25) One of the better sounding Thanksgiving Day games in recent memories (Patriots vs. Lions is the other offering)

- Bengals vs. Jets (Thursday Night Nov 25) Rematch from the playoffs serves as a quality Thanksgiving nightcap.

Click here for full 2010 NFL schedule

Can't wait for the draft to make it's primetime debut on Thursday night and I'm already looking forward to the new season.

What do you think of the Broncos schedule? Are there any other games from around the league that jump out at you?

Let me know below!

American Idol Top 7 Power Rankings

2010-04-15T09:06:00.004-04:00

I can't help but find it ironic that the two contestants that I anointed the respective male and female favorites after Hollywood week were bounced from the Idol stage together last night.

Andrew was riding high after that ingenious Straight Up performance, but never built upon that through the competition. Instead of coming off cool and hip, he somehow grew nerdier with each week (no offense meant, as I am as nerdy as they get) but you could sense that he was having trouble connecting with any semblance of a demographic.

In all fairness to me, I did note that Katie was my default female leader after Hollywood, only because I hadn't seen Siobhan yet and was all kinds of concerned over Crystal's image issues (which have been solved to an extent). I thought Katie had one of the only "big" voices in the field this season but she never harnessed those vocals nor delivered that epic, power moment.

Had they found themselves as artists earlier (or at all), I still wouldn't have been surprised to see them standing together at the end. But they each lost their way, never found a specific audience to connect with, and here we are.

On to the Power Rankings!

I've got Crystal maintaining the top spot for the 12 billionth week in a row and I have to imagine that Lee, Siobhan, and Casey will be rounding out the Top 4 for the rest of the run unless someone else gets crazy white hot just at the right time (umm... gulp... Tim? Am I crazy or was he actually somewhat decent this week?).

How good is VoteForTheWorst.com feeling right now, by the way?

I still like Big Mike a lot but it's hard to consider him a legit contender after being up for elimination last week and falling into the Bottom 3 again this week. With Tim (ugh) and Aaron (ugh) starting to gain some traction, it's starting to feel like only a matter of time for Big Mike.

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week)

2. Lee Dewyze (no change)

3. Siobhan Magnus (+1)

4. Casey James (-1)

5. Aaron Kelly (+3)

6. Tim Urban (+1)

7. Michael Lynche (-1)

One and a Half Men?

2010-04-12T09:27:00.002-04:00

In a year where we witnessed the NBC-Tonight Show debacle, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the recent news of Charlie Sheen announcing he is ready to leave Two and a Half Men is shaping up to be one of the most bizarre/fascinating TV related stories I've ever followed.

I've resisted the urge to speculate on the matter for 12 full days now, but just can't wait any longer.

First the facts:

- Everyone thought it was an April Fool's joke (including me) when the story broke from People.com that Sheen was ready to leave the show after this, its seventh season. According to People, "Charlie’s just done," says a set source. "And he’s quietly telling his friends he’s not coming back." The story went on to say that Sheen had very recently turned down an offer from CBS for the eighth season because “He wants to move on,” says a friend of the actor. “Leaving is 100 percent his idea.”

- Men remains one of the highest rated comedies on television, so losing one of the main stars would be a major blow to the series and potentially to CBS and its powerful Monday night programming block (Men has anchored the night from the 9 p.m. EST slot for most of its run). History suggests that a show is doomed when a lead character exits and, ironically enough, one of the best examples is when Sheen himself tried to replace Michael J. Fox on Spin City.

- Everyone (including me) instantly took Sheen's statement as a negotiations ploy since his contract was up at the end of this season. Apparently he has been making somewhere in the ballpark of $800,000+ an episode but reportedly asked for $1.5 million per ep sometime last year (Sheen's people have since said these numbers and demands are false).

- What makes the story all the more interesting is that just last year, CBS picked up the series to run through the 2011-12 season, so in my mind, this still feels like the perfection negotiation tactic. Your contract is up, you know the show can't carry on without you but needs to fulfill its contractual obligations, you say you're leaving and the network suddenly has to throw money at you. Makes sense to me. But Sheen and his representatives have repeatedly disputed this point. “Both parties have known the score for over a year,” Sheen said in a recent statement. “In no way, has this been a hasty or negligent eleventh hour surprise." “A negotiation ploy is something you do to get the best possible deal," Sheen's publicist Stan Rosenfield added. "Charlie told them what he wanted a year ago.”

- Men filmed its season finale this past Friday and according to sources close to the situation, it was "business as usual." Reportedly, Sheen didn't address the studio audience on the subject or make any teary good-bye speeches to the cast and crew (who were supposedly stunned by his recent "decision" to leave the show).

So... where do we go from here?

As much as I would love to believe that Sheen has actually grown a conscience and this could actually be the end of my least favorite show on television, I'm not going buy into any of the posturing until an actual decision is made and Sheen is no longer on the show.

While there may actually be some truth to his desire to move on with his career (to what?), I just can't see him - or anyone for that matter - walking away from the boatload of money I have to believe that CBS is going to throw at him in a few weeks.

Why just a few weeks?

Because the network upfronts are in May. And for those not familiar with the term, the upfronts are the dog and pony show where the networks announce their fall schedules to potential advertisers (it's worth noting Men has been commanding over $220,000 for a 30 second commercial spot. Not bad at all for a half hour sitcom and you can't see CBS wanting to lose that kind of cash).

One rumor that has been floating around that makes the most sense (if he is truly sincere about leaving the show) is to only have Sheen appear in a handful episodes. That way he could get paid more per episode like he wants, the show would be theoretically be able to continue and fulfill its contract, and CBS wouldn't be paying him much more over the course of the season due to his limited appearances.

In the words of Michael Scott, that feels like a win-win-win.

If I was a betting man, however, I would put my money on CBS buckling, giving him the close to the $1.5 mil per ep and him returning for at least one more full season.

I will leave you with one last thought: If CBS thinks it through, they don't necessarily HAVE to buckle in this case. As I've been combing over their potential pilot orders, they actually have some decent sounding comedies in the works that could step right in and help stabilize the CBS Monday night lineup.

Off of the top of my head, they could keep "How I Met Your Mother" at 8 p.m. EST, slide in "Livin' on a Prayer" (from "HIMYM" scribes) at 8:30, move the widely successful "Big Bang Theory" up to 9 p.m., and lead out with William Shatner's new "family" comedy, "Stuff My Dad Says" at 9:30 p.m.

While I can't see them kicking "Men" of the night entirely (regardless if Sheen leaves or returns in limited duty), my point is that if this was NBC, they would have to give in to actor because they don't have any thing in the works to replace a hit.

But CBS does.

They already have more than seven potential comedy pilots being developed for next year. It remains to see how many - if any - actually get promoted to the schedule, but that's a huge number for one network regardless.

My humble advice to the Eye would be to call Sheen's bluff, proceed as if he (and possibly the show) aren't going to be around and wait him out until you are actually walking out on the stage to present your fall lineup to the advertisers.

Maybe he comes running in and takes whatever you're offering, maybe he really is choosing to move on with his life and career. Either way, CBS needs to realize it holds all the cards and they shouldn't give in to yet another potential greedy actor.

Which means they probably will.

American Idol Top 9 Power Rankings (Again)

2010-04-07T23:42:00.011-04:00

WOW!

A couple quick thoughts from the American Idol performance and results shows:

- I personally didn't care for Big Mike's performance on Tuesday night but there was no way I would have put him in the bottom three, let alone had him on the chopping block. Once he was, however, there was no doubt in my mind that the judges were going to save him. So, the moral of the story is that even though the talent this year is less than stellar, at least it seems to be pretty even across the board. Last night's results proved that anyone can head home over the smallest slip-up. Looking forward, you gotta believe Mike returns to form next week - which will only complicate things more now that two contestants will be leaving.

- For some reason, I was really glad Katie didn't fall to the Bottom 3. You can see her improving each week and she may be starting to peak just at the right time (maybe I'm just pulling for her because I had her as the female favorite after Hollywood Week. Whoops!)

- The biggest surprise of the night was that Tim Urban wasn't even in the Bottom 3! While Tuesday night was one of his "better" performances, all of the contestants should be very aware (and alarmed) that he is only gaining steam as the show continues (congrats to VoteForTheWorst.com. This is an epic run for them).

- Hate to say it, but Andrew seemed to take a major step backward after taking a necessary, albeit small step forward last week (I just wanted to use the word, "albeit").

- I was glad to finally see Aaron in the Bottom 3. I didn't think it was possible, but he is actually somehow finding a way to get more boring and generic each week. I flipped the channel and watched the commercials during Lost while he was singing and was way more entertained.

On to the Power Rankings!

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week) - still the most consistent, solid performer of the group. I don't know if she will hang on for the wire-to-wire win but she is the only "professional" singer in the group so far.

2. Lee Dewyze (no change) - despite his Eeyore personality, Lee is getting better every week and has really started to grow on me. I could actually see myself going to one of his concerts someday (as long as the tickets were free).

3. Casey James (+1) - HUGE night for him. It was good to see him stretch himself a bit and prove that he can be a legit singer in addition to a solid entertainer.

4. Siobhan Magnus (-1) - There is nothing technically wrong with Siobhan and I still think she will be a major player down the stretch, but it does seem like maybe she peaked a little too early in the competition as there has been increasing Siobhan backlash on the message boards lately.

5. Katie Stevens (+3) - Best night for her so far this season. I agreed with Simon that her performance had a strong country/Martina McBride-ish element to it (in a good way). She needs to keep picking songs that mean something to her because that's where she is showing to be the strongest.

6. Michael Lynche (-1) - Even though his neck was on the line, I still like Mike to return to form next week and make some more (good sounding) noise down the stretch.

7. Tim Urban (+2) - Tim definitely seems to be gaining steam somehow and he makes it hard to nail down a specific spot for him. Had to move him up a bit this week by virtue of the fact that he finally escaped sweating it out in the Bottom 3.

8. Aaron Kelly (+1) - With his appearance in the Bottom 3, I'm hoping that proves that people are starting to tire of his generic offerings as much as I am. I just don't know if he has the self awareness and experience to know how to turn it around. Hope I'm right.

9. Andrew Garcia (-3) - With two people going home next week I already think Andrew could be in trouble no matter what he does. Hope I'm wrong.

Triabetes Documentary Premiere

2010-04-07T18:46:00.006-04:00

From www.insulindependence.org:

Join Insulindependence for the viewing of the Triabetes Documentary, "The Science of Inspiration" on Friday, April 9 at the Oriental Theater in Denver. The full-length documentary was recorded and produced in high definition (HD) digital format by an Emmy-winning video production company, and reveals the magnitude of Ironman training first-hand, from the perspectives of people living with diabetes.

The doors will open at 6:00 PM and the documentary screening will begin at 7:00 PM.

The Triabetes Documentary is the ultimate story of triumph over adversity. 12 people, ranging from experienced ultra-endurance athletes to the average couch potato, make a year long commitment to test their mind and body in an Ironman Triathlon...while testing their blood sugar.

"The Science of Inspiration," shatters preconceived notions of what people with diabetes can do, revolutionizing the way people approach diabetes through inspiration, education of the patient and medical communities about diabetes and exercise, and expolration of the physiological and social foundations of successful diabetes management.

The Oriental Theater
4335 West 44th Avenue
Denver, CO 80212

Admission: $3.00

Directions: Click here for directions to the Oriental Theater.

Parking: Street parking is plentiful surrounding the theater.

Food and Beverages: Popcorn and beverages will be available for purchase on site.

To learn more about Triabetes, or to view the video trailer for "The Science of Inspiriation", visit Triabetes.

Seating is limited and you don't want to miss it. "Give it a shot," and REGISTER YOUR SEATS TODAY.

Take Me Out to the Theater

2010-04-01T10:47:00.006-04:00

Thin Air Theatre Company presents
Rounding Third
By Richard Dresser

For all of you baseball fans that just cannot wait for the regular season to get underway on Sunday (or Monday, depending on your personal rooting interests), let me suggest taking a road trip down to Cripple Creek, Colorado for the Thin Air Theater Company’s presentation of Rounding Third.

Simply, Third is the comedy featuring an odd-couple pairing of fathers who have joined forces (albeit reluctantly) to coach their sons’ little league baseball team. But there is so much more to it than that.

Mel Moser plays Don (never “Donald” ), the gung-ho, win at all costs, experienced coach who runs his team like a military unit. Mickey Burdick takes on the role of Michael (never “Mike” and certainly never “Mikey”), the passive, having fun is all that matters, completely inexperienced assistant coach who is just there to spend some time with his boy.

I’ll be completely honest: since I tend to skew toward Don’s mentality as a die-hard sports fan myself, I was nervous that this was going to turn into a modern era, politically correct story that ultimately waters down the competitive component of sports.

Fortunately I was wrong.

Dresser’s script does a great job of showing that both characters are at times right and at times wrong. More importantly it shows how to deal with those issues in everyday life, even beyond the playing field. The story successfully weaves Don and Michael’s personal problems throughout the course of the little league season and ends with a refreshing, mature perspective on our interactions with others as we travel through life.

I’m always interested/cautious when it comes to a two man show, only because there’s more of a burden on the actors to fill the space and time. Once again, all fears were relieved after watching Moser and Burdick’s individual and collective performances. Both were perfectly cast into their opposite-end-of-the-spectrum roles, yet displayed the necessary depth to grow and change as the story progress. Both roles demanded broad, comedic moments as well as subtle dramatic points and both actors proved capable – a task that could have been a wreck in lesser hands.

If nothing else, since I am still relatively new to Colorado, the show provided an excellent opportunity to get away to a fun, new destination for an evening. I was thoroughly entertained by Rounding Third in the intimate, comfortable setting of the Butte Theater and am now even more excited for Opening Day.

Play Ball!

Contains mild adult language. Some material may be inappropriate for Children under 13.

Show times are Thursdays and Fridays at 7 p.m., Saturdays at 1 and 7 p.m., Sundays at 1 p.m. (no show on Easter Sunday, April 4th)

Tickets are $15.75 adults, $13.75 seniors, call for group rates.

The Butte Opera House is located at 139 E. Bennett Ave., Cripple Creek. For information or for reservations, call 719-689-3247 or 719-689-6402.

For more information or to book on line, visit http://www.butteoperahouse.com/

American Idol Recap and Top 9 Power Rankings

2010-04-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

I expect that there's going to be some minor outrage over the fact that anyone but Tim Urban was voted off of American Idol last night, but here's my question: does it really matter? Was there any way Didi was ever going to beat out Crystal or Siobhan? Lee or Casey? Big Mike, Aaron, or even Andrew?

I personally don't think so, so the results really didn't alarm me too much (we will have credibility issues if Tim starts lasting beyond most of the names listed above).
The real issue with Tim is that while he is bad, he's not outrageous-Sanjaya bad. You can understand why little girls and grandmas might vote for him and do not ever rule out his VoteForTheWorst.com following. I can even see him lasting another week (Katie) or two (Andrew) or maybe even three (if Aaron just bombs one week), but I can't see him cracking any of my Top 5 (new rankings listed below!)

Quick thought on Didi: I liked her a lot going into the season (and I still like her a lot as an artist), but she could never fully get control of her emotions, and I have to believe that definitely played a part in her departure this week.

Since I wasn’t able to post yesterday, here is a quick recap of the Tuesday night performance show before we get to the power rankings (written before I watched the results show last night):

For the first time all season, Ms. Magnus came back down to earth with the rest of the pack. She was a little too screechy on a boring song. Just never a good combination.

Have to give Casey James instant brownie points for finding a song that hadn’t been done on Idol before. It seems like he is finally starting to develop the (necessary) star persona to go along with his strong vocals. Thoroughly entertaining performance overall.

I was really looking forward to see what Big Mike was going to do for R&B night so while it was a solid performance, I was disappointed by the song choice. This was a night he needed to dominate and separate from the group, but was completely outdone by Casey before him.

I once compared Did’s inability to manage her emotions on a consistent basis to Donovan F. McNabb’s inability to throw accurately on a consistent basis. Didi let her emotions get the best of her performance and it was exactly like watching Don six-hop a pass to an open receiver on third down.

I respect and appreciate Tim’s positive attitude, but the dude’s gotta go. (*whoops!)

Welcome back to the show, Andrew Garcia. It took me a while to recognize the song and I mean that in the best way possible. It was a fresh take on a song that’s almost become a parody of itself (that youtube wedding video and The Office wedding episode certainly haven't helped). Hope that wasn’t too little too late.

Despite the judges’ praise (save Simon), the song still seemed too big for Katie somehow, which is confusing because she has one of the bigger voices in the competition. That doesn’t even matter because Katie’s main problem is that she still has absolutely no “star” vibe yet.

Lee’s performance was the perfect example of what I was just saying about Katie. At this point in the show, we know they can all sing. Now we need to be entertained. Lee has made one of the larger leaps (if not the largest) in that area so far this season.

I know I talk a lot about the contestants doing some of my favorite songs but Crystal did my absolute all time favorite song so there is no way I’m even going to try to do an objective review. I was actually impressed with Ellen’s thought: it was not only good to see her do something different, but do just as well as she normally does. Great point. I need to move on because I still have goosebumps!

I think I would have enjoyed Aaron’s rendition of “Ain’t No Sunshine” a lot more, if he hadn’t done it just one year after Kris Allen’s epic version. Just felt like a cheap knock-off even though his vocals were strong overall.

My Top 3 of the night: 1. Crystal, 2. Lee, 3. Casey AND Andrew (just because I've been waiting for Andrew to wake up for the past few weeks)

My Bottom 3 of the night: 1. Tim, 2. Katie, 3. Didi

What did you think of soul and R&B night and Usher as the mentor? ALSO, how about that backstage camera? Cool insight to the contestants off the stage or just another annoying TV gimmick?

On to the power rankings!

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week)

2. Lee Dewyze (+2)

3. Siobhan Magnus (-1)

4. Casey James (+1)

5. Michael Lynche (-2)

6. Andrew Garcia (+2)

7. Aaron Kelly (-1)

8. Katie Stevens (+1)

9. Tim Urban (+1 by default of eliminated contestant)

Let me know what YOU think below!

I'm Your Handyman

2010-03-29T09:45:00.000-04:00

Last week I mentioned that I inherited my impeccable sense of direction from my dad. On the flip side, however, I think the home repair gene must have skipped a generation.

It’s not that I don’t want to know how to fix things around the house. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I’ve always been the creative thinker, the planner, the visionary. Execution and implementation have never been my strong suits.

Still, now that my Wife and I are on our own, I’m trying to be somewhat useful around the house.

It's the least I can do.

A few months ago, we were having a regular problem with our bathtub clogging up because my Wife sheds more hair than a German Shepherd. The first time around, we actually called our apartment office and had them fix it. Inwardly, I knew this was something I could take care of, so I volunteered my services when the drain got clogged again.

My Wife had to stop me short of throwing a parade when a simple cup full of drain cleaner solved the problem.

Feeling the momentum from that achievement, I was ready for a bigger task.

Last week, I found one: hanging artwork.

When we moved from our old apartment to our new one at the beginning of February, I couldn’t help notice how many nail holes we had put in the old walls to hang pictures. To be fair, my wife had hung most of them by herself while I was at work and she was still looking for a job. But if you hadn’t known better, you would have thought that there had been gangland gunfire in our living room.

Wanting to reduce the amount of spackling we will have to do again at some point in the future, I agreed to be a part of picture hanging process. We had borrowed a buddy’s drill and measuring level, so we quickly (and successfully) hung up all of our pictures in each room. All that remained was one massive framed painting that was reserved for our bedroom.

I think this is a good time to mention that I get a little overwhelmed whenever putting up a picture requires anything more than one simple nail. This bad boy needs to be anchored to the wall and feels like it weighs a metric ton.

Even though I knew there was a better chance of the Raiders winning the Super Bowl, I had to try one last shot at negotiating the placement.

Me: So where do you want to hang this behemoth again?

(you have to emphasis the weight and size to plant seeds of an unnecessary impending struggle)

My Wife: Directly over our bed.

(not picking up on the emphasis at all)

Me: Are you sure? Because it looks pretty nice right there on the floor lying up against the wall.

(you HAVE to provide a viable, alternate solution)

My Wife: Ok, but let’s go ahead and hang the painting now.

(I didn't get the impression that she embraced the full spirit of the negotiations)

Again, this was not some flimsy frame that you can just slap up. There were a couple of cumbersome steps that had to be carefully followed.

First we attempted the very scientific procedure of trying to place it in the center of our bed. This entailed me standing on the bed, holding the picture while my Wife stood on the floor and told me where to move.

My Wife: Lower, just a little lower, now a little higher, and a little bit higher.

Me: WE’RE BACK WHERE WE STARTED!

My Wife: I’m sorry but it needs to be a little bit higher. And to the right. A little more, just a little more. Perfect! Now just a little lower.

After she was able to keep me from grabbing my car keys and driving straight to Mexico, we marked where the nails needed to go. After mining our way through the wall, we set in the anchors, hammered in the nails, hung the painting, verified the level, and did the always important eye-ball test from the floor.

Everything checked out.

Of course, I couldn’t live with that. I had never done anything “handy” on the first try so I knew something had to be wrong. I rechecked the nails and the anchors and even put a little pressure on the top of the frame to make sure it wouldn’t come crashing down on us in the middle of the night.

Once I felt completely comfortable, I began dialing the mayor to start planning the next celebratory parade only to have my wife interrupt the festivities. She said that since I did such a great job on the painting hanging project that I could now work on installing a shelf in the laundry room that has 10 times as many nails and anchors.

Where are my keys?

To get entertainment updates from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture and you can follow Josh’s personal account @Just_Being_Josh.

American Idol Top 10 Power Rankings

2010-03-25T09:20:00.002-04:00

Sorry I didn't post a recap from the performance show yesterday. I got home a little late on Tuesday night and when I went to watch the show on the DVR, I realized that I had lost half of the program due to snow that had built up on our satellite dish.

Gotta love technology.

After I was able to track down the remaining performances yesterday, I came to a concrete conlusion: no matter how you feel about Crystal or Siobhan as the favorites, regardless of your opinion on if Tim or Andrew is struggling more, Paige HAD to go home after that performance on Tuesday night.

It was going to become a matter of credibility after a while.

On to the power rankings!

On the Rise: Lee and Aaron are both keep quietly creeping up the list week after week.

Free Failing: I have Casey and Didi each moving down one spot but I think they can still turn it around at any moment. Poor Andrew just seems lost lately. Fortunately for him, there is still a few weaker contestants behind him... for now.

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week)

2. Siobhan Magnus (no change)

3. Michael Lynche (no change)

4. Lee Dewyze (+1)

5. Casey James (-1)

6. Aaron Kelly (+1)

7. Didi Benami (-1)

8. Andrew Garcia (no change)

9. Katie Stevens (no change)

10. Tim Urban (no change)

To get entertainment updates from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture and you can follow Josh’s personal account @Just_Being_Josh.

Front Seat Driver

2010-03-22T07:45:00.002-04:00

I recently saw a news study showing that there might be some genetic link to people who lack a general sense of direction. I would believe the opposite to be true as well, because my stellar internal compass is one of the main attributes I inherited directly from my dad.

That and our rugged good looks.

For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed exploring new roads because I always have a pretty good idea of where I am and how to get there. Sometimes I’ll even take The Camel out to get lost just so that I can experience the adventure of finding my way back.

My Wife, on the other hand, doesn’t exactly share my passion for this pastime. She doesn’t really care where she is or how she got there, she just wants to get there.

Since we’re still relatively new in town, I have seen that as an opportunity to learn new routes and discover back ways and byways. My Wife, however, saw it as an opportunity to get a GPS system for her car as a Christmas present.

Don’t get me wrong. When I’m on vacation or in a new place for a limited amount of time, I definitely see the benefit of a navigational guide; but there is no way I’m going to let a computerized voice boss me around on my own turf.

(Quick side note: I’ve heard that these GPS systems are becoming so advanced that they even have celebrity voices that you can now choose from. Personally, I don’t care if they get Scarlett Jo to sit in my front seat and give me directions in that smoky, smoldering voice of hers, I don’t want anyone telling me where to go. On second thought… let’s not get stupid. I don’t want to be the one to put limits on any helpful technological advances.)

Where was I?

My Wife and I had our difference of opinions come to a head last weekend when we were planning to meet another couple to see a movie at a theater we had never been to before.

I had a general idea of where the theater was and was inwardly excited about trekking a new path. As we climbed into the Red Rover, my Wife asked if I wanted her to set up the GPS. I scoffed before lecturing her on the value of actually paying attention to where she is going as opposed to blindly going on auto pilot every time she leaves the house.

Go ahead and guess how well that turned out for me.

We were doing fine until I guessed the wrong exit off the highway (to be fair, I was only one exit away from the correct one but still, I did guess wrong). When we had wandered for a few minutes without seeing the theater where we both thought it should be, I knew I had to act fast because I knew what was coming.

After I realized my mistake, I figured going back to the highway was a lost cause so I started taking every turn I could to get us heading in the direction of theater. As I frantically tried to correct our course, my Wife ever so quietly and calmly reached into her purse, found the GPS case, pulled out the GPS, turned on the GPS, and entered the name of the theater.

It was man versus machine and there was no way I going to lose this one for all of humanity.

We got to a pivotal stop light and I knew the theater was close. I just had to decide if we needed to go straight or take a right.

“Do you want to know the correct way?” my Wife asked.

“No, I got it,” I feigned, my mind racing as if searching for a Final Jeopardy answer.

I committed to going straight. As soon as the light turned green, we started rolling forward only to be interrupted by my Wife.

“Nope!” she exclaimed.

I had enough time to whip the car to the right. Fortunately, there wasn’t anyone in the turn lane as that would have quickly turned into machine versus machine.

We raced to the theater only to get there in time for the box office’s announcement that our particular show had just sold out. As we limped back to the car, my Wife couldn’t resist.

“Do you need the GPS to get us home?” she jabbed.

“I’m good,” I huffed.

“I don’t know why you hate something that takes all the work out of going places,” she said with a laugh.

Maybe because it takes all the fun out of it too.

To get entertainment updates from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture and you can follow Josh’s personal account @Just_Being_Josh.

American Idol Top 11 Power Rankings

2010-03-18T06:00:00.003-04:00

I got Alex voted off last week and America got Lacey this week, so I hope this means we're finally even.

I'm actually somewhat relieved when my personal favorites leave show because I can stop worrying about their impending doom and objectively concentrate on the rest of the race.

And fortunately for us, we still a very close race with 11 contestants remaining. Unfortunately for us, however, it's not the most compelling race as of yet. There is a definite lack of star power and persona from this group and we still have some of the weaker singers to weed out. Hopefully the contestants grow more comfortable (and become more engaging) from this point on now that they're on the bigger stage.

On to the power poll!

On the Rise
Has to be Siobhan. Even though I still think Crystal is still the favorite and out in front of the field, Ms. Magnus is officially in the rear view mirror. I will never be her biggest fan, but at least she is showing a pulse on the stage - and that can't be said about a lot of the other singers.

Free Falling
Didi and Andrew still have more talent than most of the remaining contestants but they're both just not doing much with it yet. We need to see more life and energy to go along with their vocals.

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week)

2. Siobhan Magnus (+3)

3. Michael Lynche (-1)

4. Casey James (-1)

5. Lee Dewyze (+1)

6. Didi Benami (-2)

7. Aaron Kelly (+1)

8. Andrew Garcia (-1)

9. Katie Stevens (+2)

10. Tim Urban (-1)

11. Paige Miles (+1 by default of other eliminated contestants)

What did you think about Lacey's departure and the remaining Idol's 11? Let me know below!

Be sure to check out Josh’s newest humor column every Monday. To get entertainment updates from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture and you can follow Josh’s personal account @Just_Being_Josh.

American Idol: Top 12 Recap

2010-03-17T09:08:00.019-04:00

While this season of American Idol still feels a little weaker than some of the past years, it was good to finally get the Top 12 on the big stage (as you will notice, that will be a running theme through my comments below). The expanded space really let the contestants' vocals go and I can't honestly say that I thought any one was outrageously terrible for once.

There were some that did stand out (for the good and the not so good) however, so let's get to the individual performances:

Michael Lynche – Miss You
Other than wearing the same scarf as his wife in the intro piece, there was nothing technically wrong with Big Mike last night. He was at his generic best – very engaging and entertaining. No doubt he sticks around for another week.

Didi Benami – Play With Fire
There’s just something about the larger stage that lets the performances just fell bigger. I thought this was a solid, controlled performance by Didi and while I typically don’t care for the slower songs, this was the perfect choice for her to let her voice go and explore the space.

Casey James – It’s All Over Now
Looks like Casey listened to my advice last week. Loved the country spin he put on the Stones’ classic. I know he has his faults vocally, but overall it was a thoroughly enjoyable performance – and if nothing else, he’s locking down two strong demographics: country fans and women. That’s a great combination to have behind you.

Lacey Brown – Ruby Tuesday
I’ll admit that I have a lot of trouble being objective when my favorite contestants cover my favorite songs. I know everyone disagrees with me, but I love the lingering quality to Lacey’s voice. I was totally ready for her to be gone way before now so I’m just enjoying the ride for as long as she can stick around.

Andrew Garcia – Give Me Shelter
The reason I’ve always liked Andrew is because he already has a smooth, radio-quality voice. BUT, I keep waiting for him to let loose and become an entertainer. Give him credit for stepping out of his comfort zone but it still felt a little too controlled and contained.

Katie Stevens – Wild Horses
Excellent song choice for Katie. For once she was in control of the performance and she really showcased her big vocals. It almost seemed like she just needed to be on the bigger stage as opposed to being boxed in the smaller venue. I was a big fan of hers, then I wasn’t, but if she keeps this up, I could easily be back on the Katie bandwagon in a few weeks.

Tim Urban – Under My Thumb
Uh-oh. After the top 24, I wrote the following about Tim: “Being cut right from the Kris Allen cloth is great news for him and bad news for us.” As much as I didn’t like it and as much as the judges didn’t like it, I have a bad feeling that America might start getting behind him slowly but surely.

Siobhan Magnus – Paint it Black
The thing that I really do love about Siobhan is that her voice never seems to match her personality so it provides this unexpected, jarring kind of thrill ride every time she opens her mouth. It was a very mature and focused performance and if nothing else, she at least brings a legit life to the stage. Bordered on the creepy and bizarre side (as always) but a stellar showing overall.

Lee Dewyze – Beast of Burden
While he was technically proficient, this is my absolute favorite Stones’ song and there was absolutely NO angst or (required) provocative sensuality to it. I know everyone else is going to love it but I just wasn’t feeling it at all. Can’t imagine him going home under any circumstances at this point.

Paige Miles – Honky Tonk Woman
Like Didi and Katie before her, I felt like Paige actually benefited from the bigger stage to show off her big vocals. Not too sure about that safari/Girl Scout outfit but this was by far the best performance from someone that shouldn’t even be there.

Aaron Kelly – Angie
I know all the little girls and grandmas love Aaron and I’m sure there’s no chance that he gets voted off, but that was brutally boring. That formula has been working for the Boy Wonder so far, so I can’t imagine him going anywhere anytime soon.

Crystal Bowersox – You Can’t Always Get What You Want
The only legitimate superstar in the field. She single handedly rendered the rest of the night pointless.

My personal favorites on the night were Crystal, Lacey, and Casey BUT...

Here's my OFFICIAL TOP 3: (1) Crystal, (2) Siobhan, (3) Katie (because she was surprisingly good for once)

My bottom 3: (1) Andrew (kills me to say that), (2) Tim, (3) Aaron

What did YOU think of the first week of the Top 12 and their covers of the Rolling Stones?

Let me know below!

Be sure to check out Josh's newest humor column every Monday. To get entertainment updates from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture and you can follow Josh's personal account @Just_Being_Josh.

Method to Her March Madness

2010-03-15T06:00:00.007-04:00

Like any other diehard sports fan, of course I look forward to the major sporting events throughout the year. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I have the dates for the Super Bowl, World Series, and NBA Finals circled on my calendar.

But being the fanatic that I am, I take it a step farther and countdown the days to the sports related events where no actual game is ever played. I get stoked for the start of football’s free agency and hold annual parties for the NFL draft. I breathe a sigh of relief when pitchers and catchers finally report and I will drop whatever I’m doing to watch the NBA draft lottery. Yes, I’m talking about the lottery where they do nothing more than just determine the draft order.

Maybe I need to get out more.

There is one day, however, that I look forward to more than all the rest combined: Selection Sunday.

I will never be able to fully verbalize the thrill that I get from all the festivities surrounding the announcement of the teams that will be participating in the men’s college basketball tournament. The pinnacle moment of the Selection Sunday experience is printing off my own brackets sheet and figuring out the favorites, the Cinderellas, and who I believe is going to go all the way.

I usually do very well picking games in any office pools or online bracket challenges that I participate in with friends, but over the past couple of years I have unfortunately crossed paths with an advisory that has made the tournament less fun than a Tiger and Elin marriage counseling session.

My lovely Wife has somehow beaten me head-to-head the last three years and it wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t spend so much time, thought, and energy watching games and pouring over my bracket like I was planning a military invasion of a small country.

Ok, I really need to get out more.

It also wouldn’t bother me if she spent ANY time, thought, and energy watching any games during the season.

I agonize over every matchup, mentally debating the teams based on a multitude of factors. Who has more experience? Who has the better big man? How consistent are they from the three point line? The free throw line? Which bench is deeper? Which coach is more proven?

Apparently my strategy hasn’t been good enough to topple her though, so this year I implemented a new plan.

I picked her brain as we picked our games to find the method to her March madness.

“There are certain school names I don’t like. Xavier is one of them. Gonzaga is another,” she said.

“Why don’t you like those names?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I just don’t like the sound of those words.”

“Oh,” was all I could get out.

“I won’t pick Syracuse because I don’t like their team name, Orangemen,” she continued. “That’s not real! There are no orange men walking around in the world!”

I guess she does have a point.

“I love Tennessee because Pat Summitt is the coach of the women’s team and I like her a lot.”

Well, that makes sense.

“I’ll never pick Ohio St. because my dad grew up in the state of Michigan.”

Naturally.

Even though that logic makes about as much sense as the current season of Lost, I can’t argue with her because she always beats me. I’m going to try that kind of thinking for my picks this year. Hmm... the name of my parents’ dog is Duke and I once got food poisoning while driving through Kansas, so I’m going to go with the Blue Devils and Jayhawks for the title game.

Let the games begin and may the best man win the bracket challenge.

In our case, it will probably be a woman.

American Idol Top 12 Power Rankings

2010-03-12T00:00:00.003-05:00

Well... here we are.

The point where most people feel like the show truly begins to get good: the Top 12.

While I thoroughly enjoyed Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre's dueling Billy Joel piano duet, I'm definitely conflicted about last night's eliminations. As relieved as I am to see Alex go, I really did like Todrick (even though I didn't care for his performanc of Somebody to Love at all) and I can not even begin to understand why Katelyn and Denver' own, Lilly, are gone while Paige and (to a lesser extent) Katie are still there.

This is the first time where I feel like America truly got it wrong; but I guess that's why you always have to vote for your favorite.

*Note: to maintain journalistic integrity, I'm not voting at all this year. Just recapping how it all plays out.

Before we get to the new Power Poll, I just got to take care of a few quick pieces of housekeeping.

First of all, we've set up a Twitter account for all the pop culture stuff we're posting here at the INDenverTimes.com site. For update entertainment headlines from Denver and around the world, follow us @INDT_popculture.

Secondly, while I was setting up that account, I accidentally deactivated my own personal account (don't ask me how - it's a long, embarrassing story), so I've set up a new one for myself. Feel free to follow yours truly @Just_Being_Josh.

ON TO THE POWER POLL!

The bigger mover this week has to be Tim Urban. At the very beginning, I compared him to Kris Allen and I truly believe if he can build on this week's performance he could quickly become a legit dark horse if the other contestants aren't careful.

The only contestant that I had moving down at all was my boy, Andrew Garcia. I hate to say it (especially after I anointed him as the one to beat after Hollywood week), but it just feels like he's in a little bit of a tail spin right now. It doesn't help that the judges apparently HAVE to keep comparing everything to his Straight Up performance.

Here's my Power Poll. What do YOU think? Let me know below.

1. Crystal Bowersox (no change from last week)

2. Big Mike Lynche (no change)

3. Casey James (no change)

4. Didi Benami (+3)

5. Siobhan Magnus (+4)

6. Lee Dewyze (+2)

7. Andrew Garcia (-3)

8. Aaron Kelly (+4)

9. Tim Urban (+7)

10. Lacey Brown (+4)

11. Katie Stevens (no change)

12. Paige Miles (+3 by default of other eliminated contestants)

American Idol Recap: Top 8 Guys

2010-03-11T06:00:00.003-05:00

This was by far the best night from the guys for me so far this season. I really enjoyed just sitting back and being entertained as a fan of the show. Pretty solid performances all around.

Let's get right to the recap:

> Lee Dewyze - Fireflies (Owl City)
For the first time this season I'm going to give Lee a compliment: I can't stand that song by Owl City but I REALLY liked his version. It was like a grittier John Mayer and that's always a good thing. Have to think Lee is heading to the Top 12, despite the judges' less than stellar feedback.

Alex Lambert - Trouble (Ray LaMontagne)
Can I go two for two on compliments tonight? Yes I can, baby! This was the first time I could actually understand why someone would vote for Alex (break out the champagne, Alex fans!) He's still lacking any semblance of a super star persona (or even quasi-star persona, for that matter) but his vocals continue to improve each week. Hopefully he can stick around long enough for his confidence to follow suit.

> Tim Urban - Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley)
Going into this week, I thought for sure Tim was a goner, but now I'm not so sure. This was his best performance to date, but was it enough to get voters - that already have their own favorites - to suddenly jump on the bandwagon?

Andrew Garcia - Genie in a Bottle (Christinia Aguilera)
If nothing else, Andrew has absolutely NO FEAR about covering any type of song. I really like him as an artist because of the tone of his voice and the depth and meaning he gives to lyrics that are typically dismiss as just part of pop tracks known more for their beats and hooks. I'm actually a little nervous for Andrew's fate for some reason this week, but I'm hoping it just paranoia.

> Casey James - You'll Think of Me (Keith Urban)
One of the more perfect song choices by any of the contestants so far this evening. I could really see Casey making it as one of those country/rock/pop crossovers. I just think he needs to commit to the country side a little more to sure up those voters.

Aaron Kelly - I'm Already There (Lonestar)
I gotta give Aaron credit because he is just plowing through America's Generic Songbook week after week. You have to appreciate the consistency if nothing else. The judges summed up his performance perfectly: not a great vocal but a great song choice for the artist he is and wants to be. Should be good enough for the girls and grandmas to push him through to the next round.

> Todrick Hall - Somebody to Love (Queen)
I'm a huge Todrick fan but I'm an even bigger Queen fan and VERY protective of this song. The vocals were solid for sure but these lyrics have to have so much passion and emotion behind them and I just didn't feel it from him. Elliot Yamin absolutely crushed it a few years ago (that performance has become the Idol standard for that song) and I just don't think Todrick came close. Here's hoping it impressed enough viewers and he stays alive because I think he could prove to be very entertaining if given the right genre.

Michael Lynche - This Woman's Work (Maxwell)
Wow. He made Kara cry! This is what I like about Michael: that's not a song that I would normally have any interest in, but he made me care. He and Crystal seem to be the only contestants that already know who they are as an artist - and that's huge at this stage of the game. And again, HE MADE KARA CRY!

My two least favorite performances were Aaron Kelly and Todrick Hall but if I had to put money on two guys leaving, it would be Todrick and Andrew Garcia. Hope I'm wrong on both counts!

What do YOU think? Let me know below...

American Idol Recap: Top 8 Girls

2010-03-10T09:00:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned in our new Pop Culture podcast, I'm still happily exhausted from the awesome Bon Jovi concert at the Pepsi Center on Monday, so let's get right to the recap of the remaining eight females' performances on American Idol last night:

> Katie Stevens - Breakaway (Kelly Clarkson)
Just like Jermaine Sellers last week, Katie is another one of my early favorites that is in a little bit of a free fall here lately. The whole performance felt heavy and her vocals fell flat. She could be in serious trouble sooner rather than later.

Siobhan Magnus - House of the Rising Sun (The Animals)
Admittedly, I haven't been the biggest Siobhan fan but I did appreciate the peace offering she extended with that rock classic. Very controlled yet passionate performance and I will always respect that kind of approach. Never going to be my personal favorite (the difference between her off the stage and on it is always a little too jarring), but I definitely acknowledge her leap from a dark horse to a legit contender.

> Lacey Brown - The Story (Brandi Carlilie)
I still like the tone and uniqueness of Lacey's voice over anyone left in the competition, but even I have to admit that this was a little too lullaby-ish. So, of course, the judges loved it. I don't even care anymore - I'll accept whatever it takes to keep Lacey around!

Katelyn Epperly - I Feel the Earth Move (Carole King)
Have to agree with judges that there just wasn't enough of a connection to the song (or the lyrics), but I'm starting to wonder if Katelyn is wandering into the Kellie Pickler "attractive female with just enough talent to help her advance farther than she normally could (or should)" zone. Thoughts?

> Didi Benami - Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac)
When she's on, Didi seems like a more marketable combination of Lacey's vocals and Katelyn's look. That song didn't do a whole lot for me personally, but it was good to see her rebound (emotionally, if nothing else) and I think it was solid enough to keep her around for another week.

Paige Miles - Smile (Charlie Chaplin)
This performance solidified the sleep inducing theme of the evening and Paige's vocals just aren't strong enough to help her navigate her way through the song. Unfortunately, she could be in real trouble after last night.

> Crystal Bowersox - Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)
A complete, professional, ready to tour, radio-quality performance all the way around. Crystal is just at a different level than the rest of the field so far and is living proof of the judges' point about needing to know who you are as an artist. Easily the best performance of the night.

Lily Scott - I Fall to Pieces (Patsy Cline)
There's just something comforting and relatable about Lilly and her vocals but I really have to agree with Simon in that it wasn't the best performance as the last performance of the show. Hope that doesn't come back to bite her.

If I had to put money on two to go, it would be Katie Stevens and Paige Miles. What do YOU think? Let me know below!

INDenverTimes Pop Culture Podcast: March 9, 2010

2010-03-09T19:16:00.004-05:00

Josh Mahler and Gray Brothers offer a few final thoughts on the Oscars, including: hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, Kathryn Bigelow's historic win for Best Director, and The Hurt Locker knocking off Avatar for Best Picture.

Since they've been a little too gracious in Take It or Leave It the last few weeks, the guys return to form, teeing off on Jay Leno's return to The Tonight Show, the new Mark-Paul Gosselaar/Breckin Meyer TBS "comedy" pilot, and John Krasinski (Jim from The Office) potentially playing Captain America.

Enjoy!

Another word from The Camel

2010-03-08T06:00:00.015-05:00

Yo! It’s The Camel here… again.

Ladies! Ladies! Thank you for that warm welcome! Please, my word count is tight, so we gotta move along.

Last week Josh wrote about how he and that red-headed girl that he hangs out with lost her car, but no one is talking about how all of these recent events are affecting ME.

What Josh failed to mention was that the red-headed girl had a Mazda Protégé, just like me, and that her name was Silver Sass, and that she was my best friend in the whole world. Sitting next to each other at home, we would trade war stories about that ridiculous drive that they put us through from Virginia to Colorado and keep each other warm during the cold Denver nights.

Then that little red-headed girl drove off one morning and I never saw Sassy again.

You think they held any kind of memorial service in her honor? Or asked me how I was handling it all?

Nooooooo.

What do these two clowns do? They immediately go looking for a new car to replace her!

And not even a new car, but a… gulp… SUV.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that red-headed girl talk about wanting “something bigger” with “all-wheel drive”. Well excuse me for getting you around the best I can in the meantime. You’re the yahoos that wanted to live in this climate, so don’t blame me.

They drove me out to a dealership this past Saturday and I’m not going to lie, I had I had to use my windshield wipers to wipe away tear when I saw them blow past me in this beautiful, dark red Land Rover SUV on a test drive. I knew it couldn’t be a good sign when they got back and were in the office a long time. Sure enough, about an hour later, they drive home in the Land Rover and gave my keys to Josh’s buddy, The Bull, to drive me home.

To borrow one of Josh's lines: Unbelievable.

I know what you’re thinking. Instead of being bitter, I should welcome and try to get to know the newest member of the family (they’re calling her “Hey, Red!” as of right now – that’s not even a real name. That’s an exclamation!), but believe me, I’ve already tried.

She’s one of those typical Colorado SUVs in that she’s good looking and she knows it.

I can already feel her looking down her hood at me with her good mileage, sunroof, leather interior (with heated front seats), and of course, her all-wheel drive. We attempted some awkward chit-chat for a few minutes, but I couldn’t help notice her getting distracted everyone time one of the big muscle trucks in our neighborhood drove by.

Josh keeps trying to convince me that this whole ordeal is a good thing for me. He says that now they won’t have to use me as much for long trips or journeys into the mountains and how that will hopefully add a few years to my life. I guess that could be nice. They took me up to Vail during a snowstorm on Valentine’s Day and it was like we had gone off-roading in Alaska.

But I also know that Josh is a couple months away from buying the motorcycle that he’s been pining for ever since I’ve known him. I guess my ultimate question is if they use the SUV during the winter and long trips and the motorcycle during the summer and shorter trips, when are they going to use me?

I know that I’ve racked up a ton of miles, and I know that they’ve put a lot of money into me over the last year. I’m grateful for that, I truly am. And I even realize that ever since Josh “accidentally” broke off my inside door handle on the driver’s side, that I’ve become an extremely less attractive option (since you now have to roll down the window and reach out to open the door), but c’mon on!

Oh wait… Josh is walking towards me!… he’s opening the door!...

Never mind.

He just got his sunglasses and then hopped into that Land Rover with that red-headed girl.

I GOT YOU HERE, SKINNY! YOU’D BE FLIPPING BURGERS BACK IN VIRGINIA WITHOUT ME!

Whoa, what’s this? Well, you will have to pardon moi because a pretty little two-door just pulled up next to me in our apartment parking lot. I am in the market for some friends, since Ol’ Slim and his girl are off joy riding in the Colorado sun.

I’m actually glad Sassy isn’t around to see this nonsense. It would break her already broken engine.

Rest in peace, dear friend.

American Idol Recap: Top 16 Power Rankings

2010-03-05T00:30:00.001-05:00

I caught a lot heat last week for ranking Siobhan, Lee, and Alex so low in my inaugural power poll. I’ll admit that after her performance on Wednesday night, I probably did have Ms. Magnus a little too low. While I’m still not sold on Dewyze or Lambert, I did move them up considerably (probably not high enough for their supporters, but I just can’t live with myself if people are flying up and down the poll each week!)

Here’s the combination of factors that I look at when making out my Power Poll:

- Would you ever realistically buy their album or go their concert?

- Do they show any signs of possessing a star persona – meaning could you see them being famous? Can you envision them on talk shows or magazine covers or crushing the national anthem at the Super Bowl?

And most importantly:

- Compared to the other contestants remaining, can you actually, physically imagine Ryan announcing that contestant as the winner at the final results show?

This isn’t about personal favorites, this is about who can actually win and make an impact on the pop culture scene.

With that said, here are my Top 16 rankings after last night's results show:

1. Crystal Bowersox (+3 spots from last week)

2. Big Mike Lynche (+3)

3. Casey James (-2)

4. Andrew Garcia (-2)

5. Katelyn Epperly (+2)

6. Lilly Scott (+4)

7. Didi Benami (-3)

8. Lee Dewyze (+6)

9. Siobhan Magnus (+9)

10. Todrick Hall (-2)

11. Katie Stevens (-5)

12. Aaron Kelly (-3)

13. Alex Lambert (+7)

14. Lacey Brown (-1)

15. Paige Miles (+1)

16. Tim Urban (-1)

Were you OK with John, Jermaine, Michelle, and Haley going home? Is there someone else that you think should have been sent packing? Let me know in the comments section below!

American Idol Recap: Top 10 Girls

2010-03-04T01:13:00.006-05:00

After the boys’ bland offering on Tuesday night, I was almost dreading having to suffer through the girls last night; but fortunately it was a day and night difference. Thoroughly enjoyed the night and remembered why I started following the show to begin with – and of course I disagreed with the judges at EVERY turn.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So for at least one week, enjoy a happy, satisfied recap from yours truly. Here’s how it went down:

> Crystal Bowersox – Long As I Can See the Light (CCR)
Glad to see that Crystal was feeling good enough to sing last night, both for her and for us! As recently as Hollywood week, I didn’t care for her but she just keeps growing on me. I am glad she was a little bit more true to herself with this song selection (even though I enjoyed her last week), and if this is who she is going to be as an artist, I’m all in.

Haley Vaughn – The Climb (Miley Cyrus)
I’m still not a huge Haley fan but if she has to stick around, then this is the style she should stay with. Good to see the contestants starting to have a little bit more self awareness already about who they are and the entertainers they can be.

Lacey Brown – Kiss Me (Sixpence None the Richer)
As I’ve noted before, I always get nervous whenever I like a contestant because that usually means they won’t be around for long. I thought for sure Lacey was a goner last week and I’m sure she will leave sooner than I want, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. My Wife said it perfectly: that song was made for her voice.

> Katie Stevens – Put Your Records On (Corinne Bailey Rae)
As much as I enjoyed her rendition of Feeling Good last week, I have to admit that the judges were right on Katie needing to market herself a little younger. She does have one of the bigger voices in the competition so I hate to see those vocals restrained; she needs to find a young, vibrant song that she can unleash on.

Didi Benami – Lean on Me (Bill Withers)
My biggest concern for Didi is if she can keep her emotions together over the course of the Idol process. I personally enjoyed her performance last night and felt like we finally caught a glimpse of her star persona but she started to crack a little due to the criticism from the judges. She has to be able to keep that in check if she's going to have any shot - and not just here, but in the music industry in general.

Michelle Delamor – With Arms Wide Open (Creed)
I got way nervous when one of my favorite contestants said she was going to be doing one of my all-time least favorite songs, but I liked the Whitney/Mariah stylistic spin she put on it – even if she doesn’t have Whitney or Mariah’s range. From what Michelle has shown us so far, she has a definite vocal ceiling and she may have hit it last night.

> Lilly Scott – A Change Is Gonna Come (Sam Cooke)
Wow! That was the first performance of the night that actually made me sit up and pay a little more attention. Way to represent Denver, Lilly! We’ve heard that song a kazillion times on Idol in the past but that was the first time I’m going to remember it.

Katelyn Epperly – The Scientist (Coldplay)
Contrary to the experience with Michelle above, I got way excited when of my favorite contestants said she was going to be doing one of my all-time favorite songs. I liked that she scaled it back and focused on connecting with the lyrics. It proved to be an intimate showcase of her vocals and I think it was good enough to keep her around a little while longer.

> Paige Miles – Walk Away (Kelly Clarkson)
This was the most karaoke performance of the night for me but Paige really is starting to let her big vocals loose and that’s not the worst thing in the world.

Siobhan Magnus – Think (Aretha Franklin)
OK. I finally saw what all the Siobhan supporters have been trying to sell me on the past few weeks. I didn’t care for her performance last week at all but this was legit. She appears to be a little “unique” when she’s off the stage, but is completely in her element when she’s on.

Who did YOU like? Let me know below...

American Idol Recap: Top 10 Guys

2010-03-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

Writing for INDenverTimes has already given me a lot of unique and awesome opportunities, and another one has come knocking on my door.

I've been invited to participate in an American Idol ranking pool this year with the Idol reporter from The Seattle Times and you can see how my weekly rankings (posted the day after the results show) stack up with other writers across the country.

Check it out here!

Here's my thoughts on the guys' performances from last night:

Big Mike Lynche – This is a Man’s World (James Brown)
I will admit that there was nothing technically wrong with Big Mike’s performance at all, but just like last week, I just didn’t feel any depth or substance to it. Of course the judges loved it. I’m positive America will too.

John Park – Gravity (John Mayer)
Great song choice for his vibe and his voice but I will agree with judges in that he didn’t really seem connected to the performance. I’m always confused when the judges rail against a contestant because they are the ones responsible for him being there. I could have told you this was his ceiling after his audition.

Casey James – I Don’t Want to Be (Gavin DeGraw)
With my boy Tyler Grady out, I’m glad to see someone else pick up the rock mantle – I was just a little surprised that it was James. I loved the electric guitar addition to the one Idol standard that seems to get trotted out every year. Vocals weren’t necessarily stellar but it was a great performance and I can’t see him going anywhere anytime soon.

Alex Lambert – Everybody Knows (John Legend)
Good news: Alex seemed less nervous than last week. Bad news: Still can’t imagine a single person (other friends and family) picking up the phone to vote for this kid. PLEASE someone explain it to me.

Todrick Hall – What’s Love Got to Do with It (Tina Turner)
I think I was one of the only people in America that loved Hall’s rendition of Since You’ve Been Gone last week. This performance started a little slow for me but he saved it down the stretch. I hate to admit that I actually agreed with Ellen in that he over-compensated a bit too much by not moving around enough this week.

Jermaine Sellers – What’s Going On (Marvin Gaye)
I will always unfairly compare anyone who does this song to Cuba Gooding’s version in Jerry Maguire. I liked Sellers a lot in his audition, so I hate to say that I’m honestly starting to lose a little interest. Not feeling that look either.

Andrew Garcia – You Give Me Something (James Morrison)
The reason I have Andrew as my odds on favorite to win this contest is that he just has the purest, richest, deepest voice of the field; the words always mean a little more when he sings them. Not my favorite song choice, but (to borrow a tired Idol cliché) he could sing the phone book and I would enjoy it.

Aaron Kelly – My Girl (The Temptations)
I feel like the generic Idol contestants are now playing their own little game to see who can do the most generic performance of the most generic song. Ladies and gentlemen, your winner this week: Aaron Kelly!

Tim Urban – Come on Get Higher (Matt Nathanson)
I guess it was better than last week, but it was still a bad knock-off and just an overall forgettable, boring performance.

Lee Dewyze – Lips of An Angel (Hinder)
If Tim Urban is the poor man’s Kris Allen, then Dewyze is the homeless man’s David Cook.

What did YOU think? Let me know in the comments section below!

Welcome to the big leagues

2010-03-01T03:00:00.002-05:00

Do you happen to remember Eli Manning’s first career game with the New York Giants? I won’t blame you if you don’t, because I'm not sure he even remembers it.

It was the 2004 season opener and the Giants were visiting their division rivals, the Philadelphia Eagles. Since Manning was only a rookie, Kurt Warner (recently of the Arizona Cardinals) was starting behind center for the G-Men. The Eagles were running away with the game late, so Manning got the call to go in for some late mop-up duty in the 4th quarter.

On one of his first plays, he rolled out to his right, looking for an open receiver. The only problem was that since he was only a rookie, he hadn’t developed the ability to sense defenders coming from every angle yet. While Manning was in mid-stride, an Eagles’ defensive lineman came up from his blindside, and along with two other Eagles, they absolutely OBLITERATED the newly-minted, franchise quarterback (click here to watch the video).

And as Manning slowly got up from the ground, looking for his teeth, one of the broadcast announcers couldn’t resist the customary “Welcome to the big leagues” greeting that you typically hear after a rookie gets rocked for the first time, whiffs on an ugly three pitch strike out, or gets his shot rejected into the eighth row.

I only remembered that Manning hit this past week, because my Wife and I received our first “Welcome to the big leagues” moment as a married couple.

I’m not going to lie. We have been cruising through this whole married thing for the first six months. Every other married couple we knew kept telling us how difficult the first year was going to be, but I was beginning to think that they just weren’t as awesome as we were; because this was easy.

I also am of the mindset that while you can’t ever be totally prepared for every fun thing that life throws your way, all you can do is position yourself in the best place possible, and hope you can navigate your way through from there.

Yeah, we weren’t ready for this one at all.

Last Tuesday started off like any other normal Tuesday until my Wife called me at work that morning. I always get a little nervous when she calls because she always texts. In our modern world, no one ever calls unless it’s really important, so in my mind there was no way that this was a good call.

I hate being right all the time.

Sure enough, my poor Wife’s car had broken down on the side of the road. She said that it had just stopped and now she couldn’t get it started again. I immediately called for a tow truck and my boss said I could use my lunch hour early to go take care of the car and get her to work.

There was some early good news: the tow truck guy was able to start her car again so my Wife was able to drive it to our mechanic’s shop. But that was followed with more bad news: the tow truck guy charged her 60 bucks to start the car (I picked the wrong career) and now she couldn’t get the car to go above 20 MPH.

I’m the first to admit that I know nothing about automobiles, but even I knew that this wasn’t a great sign.

Our mechanic said he’d give us a call when they figured out what was going on, so I took my Wife to work and then we waited. I hate waiting to hear back from a mechanic. It gives your brain too much time to think, and wonder, and imagine the worse.

Only this time I didn’t even imagine the worst.

Here was the worst case scenario that I knew would be bad but I thought we could handle: a day or two or repairs, right around one to two thousand dollars that we would have to put on the credit card.

Nope. Sorry. Wrong.

Try needing a new engine that would only cost SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS to replace.

As I slowly got up from the ground, looking for my teeth, reality began to set in piece by piece. The car is nowhere near worth that much money. It wasn’t going to be worth it to fix. We’re not going to fix the car! We’re not going to have a second car!!!

So what did I do? Well, naturally I freaked out.

Actually, to simply say I freaked out would not do justice to the all-out, overreacting, panic attack that I indulged in for the rest of that day. It was one of my finest performances. I can’t say that it was up there with George Banks getting arrested for taking hot dog buns out of their packaging in a grocery store, but it was up there.

Fortunately, we’ve been blessed with level-headed family members and friends that instantly helped us figure out a plan and have offered their cars and rides in the meantime. And fortunately for me, I’ve been blessed with a wonderful Wife who helped me see that this is our first real opportunity to get through a legit crisis together.

It still blows my mind that one day we had two cars and the next we were donating one of them to Goodwill for a tax write-off and I still don't know how we are each going to get to work every day with our conflicting schedules.

But I know we will get through this.

Even though we weren’t ready for it and even though it’s going to be uncomfortable for a while.

If nothing else, I'll just keep reminding myself of how well things have worked out for Eli and hope for similar success for my Wife and I at the big league level.

American Idol Week 1 Power Rankings

2010-02-26T00:38:00.003-05:00

WHOA! Did America actually agree with me on three of the four eliminated contestants? As much as I am sad to see my boy Tyler go, I will take that sacrifice to see Ashley, Janell, and Joe get voted off. Now I can be as objective as possible and we got rid of a lot of the riff raff.

I'll take that compromise even though I can't imagine anyone picking up their phone to vote for Alex Lambert - can someone please defend that to me?

So good to see Allison Iraheta by the way. She was one of my all time favorite Idol contestants, and I can't wait for her to be out from under her Idol contracts so she can actually be the artist we all know she can be. Also good to see Tim Urban - er, I mean Kris Allen perform as well.

On to my first Power Rankings! Again, I'm going to put personal feelings aside and these are my rankings based on who I think can actually win from everything we've seen thus far:

1. Casey James

2. Andrew Garcia

3. Didi Benami

4. Crystal Bowersox

5. Big Mike Lynche

6. Katie Stevens

7. Katelyn Epperly

8. Todrick Hall

9. Aaron Kelly

10. Lilly Scott

11. Michelle Delamor

12. Jermaine Sellers

13. Lacey Brown

14. Lee Dewyze

15. Tim Urban

16. Paige Miles

17. John Park

18. Siobhan Magnus

19. Haley Vaughn

20. Alex Lambert

What do YOU think about the 20 contestants remaining? Feel free to post your comments below!

American Idol Recap: Top 12 Guys

2010-02-25T00:23:00.004-05:00

ONCE AGAIN, this is how my recaps are going to work this season:

After the night(s) that the contestants perform, I’m going to review the performances in order and provide my personal thoughts. On the day after the results show each week, I’m going to post a quick recap of that show as well as a overall Weekly Power Ranking (that will be more performance/judges’ comments/popularity based than my own opinions – which ALWAYS seem to be in conflict with the reality of the show).

So what did we learn from the judges' comments about the guys last night? The more safe and generic you are, the better - but you can't be too safe and generic or they'll be all over you.

Here's how it went down:

Todrick Hall – Since You’ve Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson)
One of the only guys that didn’t look petrified going into the evening and he completely OWNED the stage. Forget what the judges said, that was an excellent performance and was exactly what American Idol is supposed to be about – unknown artists putting their own, original spin on something familiar in order to stand out. I already prefer his version of the song to Clarkson’s.

Aaron Kelly – Here Comes Goodbye (Rascal Flats)
A boring, generic performance of a boring, generic song that the judges and (and probably America) loved. I can’t tell you how different I felt about these first two contestants than the judges. Just absolute polar opposites.

Jermaine Sellers – Get Here (Oleta Adams)
One of the only ways I judge any contestant on Idol is (A) could I imagine hearing them on the radio ? And (B) would I stop to listen to it if they were? It would be a “yes” on both accounts for me in regards to Jermaine’s performance last night. PS – I wish the judges would stop trying to make everyone younger. There’s enough Neos and Maxwells, out there already, Randy. I personally prefer an older soul, thank you.

Tim Urban – Apologize (One Republic)
Wow look at that: I compared Urban to former Idol winner Kris Allen after the Top 24 was announced and he didn’t even wait a week to do a song that Allen crushed during his run. Unfortunately for Urban, this song crushed him.

Joe Munoz – You and I Both (Jason Mraz)
While I would never go to his concert or buy his album and I can’t dream of scenario where Ryan announces his name as the next American Idol, I have to admit that it was a pretty solid performance and a rock solid song choice.

Tyler Grady – American Woman (The Guess Who)
I have no way of being objective when it comes to Tyler. He’s going to skew my perspective as long as he is in the competition because I’m such a classic rock fan and he totally embodies that era. I agree with the judges that he needs to work on the vocals a bit, but I always enjoy him when he’s on the stage, and that’s all that matters to me.

Lee Dewyze – Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol)
That was the most amazing performance… if it was 2004. Really? Chasing Cars? You either have to go classic or a lot more modern for me. I’m really confused by the judges so far by the way. If Simon’s comments didn’t prove that he’s completely on cruise control for this season, then I don’t know what will.

John Park – God Bless the Child (Billie Holliday)
I liked his sense of humor in the Shania Twain set-up piece and I will always appreciate a good jazz standard, but I actually did agree with Kara (for once tonight) in that the performance was a little on the “sleepy” side. I’m just not seeing him as a legit contender yet.

Big Mike Lynche – This Love (Maroon 5)
So far, he seems to be the perfect contestant for what America loves. Ultimately both Mike and the performance were pretty standard and predictable but he has just enough personality to mask it with some smoke and mirrors. We love our style and no substance characters that are easy to comprehend and put in our safe little mental boxes. Enjoy a nice long ride, Big Mike!

Alex Lambert – What a Wonderful World (James Morrison)
Alex made this easy on me by describing his own performance with lyrics from the song he sang: I've been down so low/People look at me and they know/They can tell something is wrong/Like I don't belong. Couldn’t have said it better myself, buddy.

Casey James – Heaven (Bryan Adams)
All Casey had to do last night to ensure that he keeps moving on was to not create some sort of internationally offensive incident on stage. He played it safe for sure, but I gotta admit that he was solid nonetheless. By the way, the Casey-Kara love affair is getting borderline creepy. What is the ceiling for those two this season and aren’t we kinda there ALREADY?

Andrew Garcia – Sugar We’re Going Down (Fall Out Boy)
This is how much I love Andrew: I HATE that song (and Fall Out Boy for that matter) but I LOVED his performance. He sang the song with meaning and purpose and gave it a sweet, bluesy vibe. Very cool! I give him the nod over Todrick for originality on the night just because there was a little more depth.

MY TOP 3 OF THE NIGHT: (1) Andrew Garcia, (2) Todrick Hall, (3) Tyler Grady

MY BOTTOM 3 OF THE NIGHT: (1) Alex Lambert, (2) Tim Urban, (3) John Park

Who were your favorites? Who were your least favorites? Feel free to comment below!

American Idol Recap: Top 12 Females

2010-02-24T00:15:00.004-05:00

OK, this is how my recaps are going to work this season:

After the night(s) that the contestants perform, I'm going to review the performances in order and provide my personal thoughts. On the day after the results show each week, I'm going to post a quick recap of that show as well as a overall Weekly Power Ranking (that will be more performance/judges' comments/popularity based than my own opinions - which ALWAYS seem to be in conflict with the reality of the show).

I can't wait to hear your thoughts and opinions and, yes, I can easily be paid off.

The ladies kicked off season nine last night and here's how it went:

Paige Miles –All Right Now (Free)
Was her performance good or bad? I watched it three times and still can’t tell. I agreed with Simon in that her voice seemed pretty solid but the song felt kinda generic for her – and to be fair, I really like that song.

Ashley Rodriguez – Happy (Leona Lewis)
I know most people are picking A-Rod as an early front runner, but that was pretty rough to sit through. My biggest problem with her after Hollywood week was that she comes off as bland and generic and this less than stellar performance only confirmed that for me.

Janelle Wheeler – What About Love (Heart)
I’m pretty sure I saw the exact same performance at my local sports bar on karaoke night last week (only the sports bar performance was way better).

Lilly Scott – Fixing a Hole (The Beatles)
Just because of the uniqueness of her voice, I liked her the best of the first four contestants so far, but something still felt a little off. I would love to see a little more of her though and hope Denver voted strong because I think she could be just starting to come into her own if given another chance.

Katelyn Epperly – Oh! Darling (The Beatles)
FINALLY! I was beginning to doubt my ears or the quality of the contestants but Katelyn reminded me what a legit contender can sound like. Loved the bluesy rasp to her voice and she came off as an original. Solid performance overall.

Haley Vaughn – I Wanna Hold Your Hand (The Beatles)
I was tough on Colorado native coming out of Hollywood and I’m a little conflicted after this performance. On one hand, I really liked the arrangement of the song but I really don’t like her voice – especially the way she pronounces the lyrics. I could see her sticking around and people getting behind her but I think she might lose me due to my fixation on her pronunciation.

Lacey Brown – Landslide (Fleetwood Mac)
One of my favorite contestants doing one of my favorite songs of all time. No chance she sticks around after last night because I enjoyed it way too much. I loved it and that’s always bad news for any contestant. Sorry Lacey.

Michelle Delamor – Fallin (Alicia Keys)
I liked Michelle coming out of Hollywood week but was nervous when Ryan said she would be doing such a recognizable song from such a recognizable artist but somehow she delivered. For the first time tonight, I actually have to agree with Ellen in that the performance felt safe. Simon also nailed it in that there wasn’t a “wow” moment but the good news is that she didn’t screw it up – and that’s saying a lot for that song.

Didi Benami – The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson)
Probably the most perfect song choice of the evening. Like I said after Hollywood week, if she can keep it all together she might the best of the bunch. Definitely agree with the judges in that we’re lacking the star quality from the contestants so far; it feels like everyone is just doing really good impressions up until now.

Siobhan Magnus – Wicked Game (Chris Isaak)
The Bull said it best: “Was that a dude or a chick?” Any time you have to ask that question, it’s not a good start to your American Idol run. She did a good job staying in control of her vocals on the chorus but she just started so low that it was too distracting. At the end of the day (and this is all it really comes down to), is there ANY chance she is still standing at the season finale as Ryan announces the winner? None.

Crystal Bowersox – Hand in My Pocket (Alanis Morissette)
I now feel like I can completely get behind Crystal. It was another great song choice that suited the performer perfectly. Make some room because I’m officially on the Bowersox bandwagon!

Katie Stevens – Feeling Good (Michael Bublé)
I got a lot of heat for listing her as my number one female after Hollywood week, but I have to stand by it ONLY because she is the only one singing with a big voice so far. It might not be the “best” voice but in a contest with a lot of soft, indie singers she will stick around just because she is an alternative to everyone else.

MY TOP 3 OF THE NIGHT: Lacey Brown was my absolute favorite but since I know she's going home, I'm going to go with (1) Bowersox, (2) Epperly, and (3) Stevens

MY BOTTOM 3 OF THE NIGHT: (1) Magnus, (2) Vaughn, and (3) Wheeler

Who were your favorites? Who were your least favorites? Feel free to comment below!

INDenverTimes Pop Culture Podcast: 2/23/2010

2010-02-23T00:00:00.001-05:00

INDenverTimes columnist Josh Mahler and broadcast partner Gray Brothers weigh in on Tiger Woods' nationally televised apology and Team USA's hockey upset over Canada.

In Take It or Leave It, the guys break down the first weekend success of Shutter Island and the Top 24 contestants on American Idol, among other hot topics!

Listen here:

Trivia Wars 2 - Revenge of Suit Up!

2010-02-22T00:23:00.019-05:00

In the midst of all the wall-to-wall Winter Olympic coverage, I don't know if you happened to catch one of the more inspirational interviews with NBC analyst Bob Costas this past Friday morning, recapping one of the biggest moments that's happened during the course of the games so far.

Just over a month ago, I wrote a column about how my trivia team Suit Up! had never won and how we always lost to our biggest rivals, The No Talent A-- Clowns (or "The Clown Show" as I like to call them). That dubious streak finally ended this past Thursday night and while all the other media outlets were trying to land a few minutes with American heroes like Shani Davis, Lindsey Vonn, and Shaun White, Costas sat down with yours truly to break down our team's first ever victory.

In case you did miss the interview, I was able to get a copy of the transcription and have posted it here:

BOB: Welcome back to NBC's coverage of the 2010 Winter Olympics. I'm here with Josh Mahler from team Suit Up! who won their first ever game of bar trivia last night. Josh, Suit Up! finally took down The Clown Show, so my first question has to be how does it feel?

ME: Well, Bob, it actually somehow feels better than I had ever imagined. It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off our shoulders and I can finally breathe. Just the greatest.

BOB: This has been a long time coming for Suit Up! Over the past year, you were the only regular team that had not finished in first place so what does it mean for you to finally get over that proverbial hump?

ME: It means a lot. We’ve had a good, friendly rivalry with all of the other teams that usually come out, including The Clown Show, but we all knew something was missing – that we weren’t all equals yet. To finally get this win feels like we’ve been invited to join an exclusive club of champions. We’re no longer on the outside looking in.

BOB: But the win didn’t come without some bumps along the way. Walk us through the night.

ME: In typical Suit Up! fashion, we got a quick start out of the gate. We got every single answer correct in the first round, but missed the two-parter to end the opening round. Also in typical Suit Up! fashion, we all thought the night was beginning to derail when we missed the first FOUR questions of the second round. Everyone chipped in down the stretch and we didn’t answer incorrectly again until the final question… of course.

BOB: The end of the second round and the entire third round were one of the more impressive stretches in Suit Up! trivia history. How did you all put it together?

ME: It was a total team effort. Laura got a Nicole Kidman question right, Heather was all over a Good Will Hunting answer, Christa knew St. Christopher as the patron saint of travelers, Greg and Kevin figured out how many minutes it takes the earth to turn one degree, The Bull and I rolled the dice on Sweden over Russia on an critical Olympic hockey question. I also have to note that we did not miss a single question after my Wife got to the bar after work. She was our good luck charm and turned our luck around.

BOB: Good Will Hunting, huh? So you were able to redeem the Dazed and Confused debacle with another Ben Affleck movie?

ME: Uhh… we still don’t talk about that, Bob.

BOB: Oh, sorry. So after the third round, you looked up at the scoreboard and for only the second time in team history, you were going into the final question in first place. Your team was nursing a slim six points over your dreaded rivals, The Clown Show when the final question comes up on the screen: Name the Top 4 best selling Girl Scout cookies? What was the discussion process like at your table?

ME: All I know about Girl Scout cookies is that I like the coconut one and the mint one, so I knew right off the bat that I wasn’t going to be any help. I just slunk back in my chair and accepted defeat, but the girls instantly huddled around each other and I think Greg and Kendall got involved as well. Everyone pretty much agreed on Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs and the girls thought the final answer was Trefoils and Kendall thought it was Do-si-dos. Since the girls had the majority, we put down Trefoils, turned in our answer sheet, and slowly awaited our fate.

BOB: And the correct answers were?

ME: Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs and… Do-si-dos.

BOB: Oh, no!

ME: Exactly. (Sigh) For the 436th time in team history we had gotten three out of the final four answers right. Fortunately there were no premature celebrations this time; the table just went quiet because we knew there was no way The Clown Show missed it. They had gotten us again.

BOB: Last time, trivia host Moe faked your team out with answer, this time there was a mix-up with the scoreboard?

ME: Yeah, even in our greatest moment there had to be some controversy. The final results were posted on the screen and we were still listed in first place. We were all confused because our score was still the same as it was before the final question. We thought for sure Moe had done that on purpose to tease us AGAIN! He even congratulated us over the microphone, so we called him over for a clarification. He realized that he had posted the wrong screen but the standings were correct! Even though we had missed the right answer, somehow every other team did too – including The Clown Show! We had finally done it. We had finally won!

BOB: And even though your victory was the trivia equivalent of the Rams winning a regular season football game, your team celebrated as if the Bills had won the Super Bowl.

ME: You never know when you’re going to be in that moment again so you have to savor the flavor. As soon as the correct score flashed on the screen, we all went nuts. Moe played Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, which has become our team theme song and followed it up with We Are the Champions by Queen. I’m sure everyone else in the bar hated us as we sang every word at the top of our lungs, but we didn’t care. Championship hats and t-shirts are being printed as we speak.

BOB: Final question: was this just a one hit wonder or the start of a dynasty?

ME: We obviously want to stay competitive on a weekly basis and prove that this wasn’t a fluke. But we have decided that from now on, whenever we don’t know an answer we’re just going to write “It doesn’t matter, we already won.”

American Idol Recap: Ranking the Top 24

2010-02-18T06:00:00.001-05:00

Finally!

We finally made it to the Top 24, boys and girls.

Overall, I have to say that I'm really impressed with the judges' choices and I'm looking forward to the main course portion of the American Idol feast. And to get things started, I decided to do my personal rankings of the Top 12 guys and the Top 12 girls.

My rankings are a blend of personal opinion and who I legitimately think could win the show based on talent and personality. These rankings aren't necessarily reflective of who I believe will win the show, just where I think they stand going into the actual competition part of the contest.

I can't wait to hear from you though! Who do you think should have made it? Who do you think should NOT have made it? And who do you like to win it all?

Let the season officially begin...

THE GIRLS

NA Siobhan Magnus – Who? I just don’t remember her at all.

11. Haeley Vaughn – I would never pay money to see her in concert or purchase her album.

10. Paige Miles – No way she was better than Angela Martin. NO WAY.

9. Ashley Rodriguez – A little too boring and bland for me which means she will probably wind up winning it all.

8. Janell Wheeler – Has a good look and could definitely make a run as the American sweetheart if she can keep her emotions in check and get a little more comfortable with the Idol machine.

7.Crystal Bowersox – Like her voice but I just can’t get past her teeth. I know it shouldn’t matter, but when you have to sit there and watch someone’s mouth, it’s becomes a real issue. In such an image-driven country, I just can’t see her sticking around too long if she doesn’t get that fixed ASAP.

6.Katelyn Epperly – Cute enough to be a legit dark horse, but she has to tap into that star persona quickly because she can’t last very long on her voice alone.

5. Didi Benami – She is the Donovan McNabb of American Idol contestants. When she’s calm and collected, there may not be anyone better, but when she lets her emotions get the best of her, she can easily derail.

4. Lilly Scott – I’m not trying to be a homer, but I really like Lilly from Littleton! I’m always a fan of a unique voice and unique personality and will be cheering for her as far as she can go.

3. Michelle Delamor – My Wife and I both agreed that she looks like a young Whitney, now the question becomes if can she sound like a young Whitney.

2. Lacey Brown – Another distinctly unique voice and am happy for her that she gets a shot at redemption after being bounced at the same point in the show last season.

1. Katie Stevens – I’m not necessarily comfortable calling her the favorite from the females but she has a likable personality and possesses one of the few power voices in the field which could help her stand out a bit..

THE GUYS

12. Joe Munoz – He made it? Really? He just doesn’t even LOOK like a singer or entertainer, let alone an American Idol. Really?

11. Alex Lambert – A little too young and green to be considered a serious contender at this point.

10. Aaron Kelly – Not as talented (or even attractive) as David Archuleta. I was actually kinda surprised he made the cut, especially with forgetting the lyrics so often. I guess he was the best option to fill the role of the clean-cut wholesome kid.

9.Lee Dewyze – I don’t remember him AT ALL from the auditions or any part of Hollywood week. He was the guy I thought for sure was going home but he slipped through and maybe I just need to see more from him because he seems to have a decent voice and appears to be a good guy. Just can’t see someone named “Dewyze” as the American Idol though. Can’t escape that.

8. “Big Mike” Lynche – I like his style and vibe a lot, but was not impressed with his Jason Mraz cover during Hollywood week. I’m just never going to be a fan of safe and generic.

7.John Park – All the other Idol bloggers and recappers that I read already want to anoint John as the early favorite, but I just don’t see it or get it yet.

6. Tim Urban – Being cut right from the Kris Allen cloth is great news for him and bad news for us.

5. Casey James – I don’t think I would have liked Casey a few years ago (remember Ace Young?), but maybe I’m getting soft in my old age because I could really dig this guy as long as he doesn’t let the success go to his head and turn into a tool (remember Ace Young?).

4. Jermaine Sellers – One of my favorites from the auditions but made me a little nervous when he threw the band under the bus during Hollywood week.

3.Tyler Grady – Being a classic rock fan, he’s already one of my personal favorites in Top 24. I’m trying so hard not to get too attached because that’s always the kiss of death for the contestants I like.

2. Todrick Hall – He’s one of the few that already seems to have some semblance of a superstar personality. He’s so comfortable on the stage and could eventually prove to be a legitimate entertainer. I’m not totally sold on the vocals yet but he has enough of the Idol package already to let that slide… for now.

1. Andrew Garcia – Man, you hate to be this hot this early but this is his show to lose right now.

Josh & Ross on Lost Podcast: 2/17/2010

2010-02-17T00:53:00.002-05:00

The guys chime in with different opinions about the latest episode of LOST. Where was Jack? What's up with Claire? Who is this "faux John Locke" and what's up with the names on the ceiling of the cave? Still so many questions, so little time remaining. Let us know what you thought about what was revealed and where you think the final season of the hit series is headed.

INDenverTimes Pop Culture Podcast: 2/16/2010

2010-02-15T19:51:00.008-05:00

INDenverTimes columnist Josh Mahler and broadcast partner Gray Brothers discuss their thoughts on the Olympics (and they want yours too!) and weigh in on the rumored titles for the next James Bond film.

In Take It or Leave It, the guys debate the new Valentine's Day movie, CBS picking up a sitcom from a couple of Borat writers, Kevin Smith getting kicked off of a plane for being "too fat" and Quentin Tarantino's announcement that he'd like to do his own version of a western.

We wanna hear your thoughts as well. Feel free to comment below on any of these topics - or any thing else going on in the entertainment industry!

The Triple Date

2010-02-15T06:00:00.001-05:00

*I'm sorry for running another archived column today but between all the birthday and Valentine's Day celebrating this past week AND getting ready for our trip to Vegas this coming weekend, I didn't have enough "Josh's Genius Time" to produce the quality type column that you deserve. So, here is one of my favorites that I originally wrote in January of 2008. I honestly haven't been on a Triple Date since but if and when it ever happens again, I can only hope it goes down as smoothly as this experience! I'll be back next week with a brand new column and don't forget to check out our Pop Culture podcast tomorrow, the LOST recap podcast on Wednesday, and my American Idol recap on Thursday. See, I always make it up to you.

After I found out about my new job last Friday, my Girlfriend and I decided we needed to celebrate with dinner and a movie that evening; With how tight things have been for us lately, this was like chartering a plane to Paris just for a light dinner on a Tuesday night.

So yeah, we were excited.

Originally it was just going to be the two of us going to dinner and then we were planning to meet our friends Liz and Dave later to see the new movie 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl. As luck would have it, we found out that our good friends Chris and Michelle were planning on going to see that movie at the same time anyways, so we decided to all go together. And then there we were – three couples going to the movies.

The six of us were trying to pull off the rare Triple Date.

And, just for an added degree of difficulty, we were faced with the toughest issue that comes with Triple Date Goes to the Movies: the seating arrangements while in the theater.

Seriously, how do you do it? On the far more common Double Date, the group always sits boy-girl-girl-boy (unless of course the girls don’t know each other or are mortal enemies), but when you throw in another boy and another girl, the whole thing gets more convoluted than an Oliver Stone plot.

The way I see it, here are your only options:

Boy-girl-girl-boy-girl-boy. This doesn’t work because the girls will all inevitably want to sit together.

Girl-girl-girl-boy-boy-boy. This doesn’t work either because now you have two couple separated (in some cases, that’s probably a good idea).

Suddenly, I had an idea - no, a dream - and even though I knew there was no way the girls were going to go for it, I had to try. Ever so casually, I suggested having all the ladies sit together in one Girl Row and all the guys sit together in a Boy Row behind them.

As a man going to a chick flick, you have to understand the vision of getting to sit with two other guys during a girly movie and being able to go all Mystery Science Theater 3000 on it with no repercussions.

I would go down in history as a pioneer.

Now there is one fundamental problem to all of this and that is that girls actually LIKE to sit next to their guys during romantic movies just so that they can hold hands, or lay their heads on your shoulder during the mushy parts of the movie.

And when it’s just the two of you, that's not the worst thing in the world.

But it is common knowledge that on a Double or Triple Date, the girls are so excited to be together that the guys are always left to fend for themselves, so I knew that I had an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make chick flicks a little bit better for every guy every where, and I took it.

Imagine my surprise when the girls not only didn’t devour me when I tossed out my revolutionary idea but actually kind of liked it as well (see, I told you they all want to sit next to each other).

And I have to admit that despite the scary levels of estrogen in the room, the whole experience really wasn’t that bad. Having our own Boy Row was amazing (and apparently disturbing to the rest of the theater as no one else tried to sit in our row), the films’ lead actresses Heigl and Malin Akerman were both easy on the eyes, and we finally got a romantic comedy where the male lead (in this case, James Marsden) wasn't a way-too-perfect, way-too-sensitive tool.

I’m talking to you Matthew McConaughey.

What was even more surprising than the girls allowing the Boy Row and the Girl Row was their reaction after the movie. I guess since the film was so girly, they actually felt bad for us for having to sit through it. So basically, we got to watch a half-decent movie filled with beautiful woman, sit in our row and make fun of it during the sappy parts, AND we came off looking like troopers for “suffering through” such an estrogen-induced romp.

I am a pioneer indeed.

Josh & Ross on Lost

2010-02-10T00:30:00.003-05:00

INDenverTimes columnist Josh Mahler is embarrassed to admit that he had never seen the hit TV series Lost until this, the final season. To try and figure out exactly what's going on, Josh brings in his buddy (and diehard Lost fan) Ross Costanza for a new weekly podcast.

Just press play...

In Denver Times Pop Culture Podcast: Episode 1

2010-02-08T20:35:00.004-05:00

INDenverTimes columnist Josh Mahler and broadcast partner Gray Brothers discuss Super Bowl XLIV's historic ratings as well as The Who halftime show in the new weekly pop culture podcast (and they need YOUR help on halftime topic!).

The guys also debate Jay Leno showing up on Dave Letterman's commercial, Twilight's Taylor Lautner's next project, MacGyver vs. MacGruber, and FX's new cartoon series, Archer.

All I want for my 30th birthday

2010-02-08T06:00:00.008-05:00

This Wednesday will be my 30th birthday.

It’s not so much the turning 30 that bothers me as much as the fact that I can’t stop it from happening. Fortunately, I don’t feel like what I thought you are supposed to at the Dirty Thirty. When you’re a kid and you hear that someone has passed their twenties, they might as well be dead.

I feel as if I’m just now beginning to live my life.

As I mentione d back at Christmas, I will freely admit that I’ve gotten a more difficult to shop for as I’ve grown older. Regardless, I knew I had to find something big for the big Three-Oh. Even though a bunch of us have planned a trip to Vegas in a couple of weeks (and I’m sure that will be big enough), I recently stumbled across the only thing I really want for my birthday.

Andy’s banjo.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on Twitter and saw the following tweet from @theofficenbc:

“Last day to help choose the tokens for MONOPOLY: The Office Collector's Edition. Vote as many times as u want” (and there was also an Internet link provided).

Could it be?

Could the fates really be combing two of my favorite things in the world in the Monopoly board game and The Office TV show AND I have the chance to help choose the game pieces? I clicked on the link and it took me to a magical webpage with both the Monopoly and The Office logos. It had to be like the first time they put ice cream in root beer or the day Chris Farley and David Spade met.

It took me a moment to soak in the grandeur, but once I got my bearings, I scanned over the Office related game pieces that you could choose from.

There were 11 pieces total and the rules at the top of the page stated that the top six choices would be included in the game. From first glance, I wasn’t that surprised at most of the options available. There was Michael’s “World’s Best Boss” mug, Dwight’s bobblehead, Pam’s candy dish, an Office Olympics gold medal yogurt lid (the only obvious omission was a Dundie award).

I couldn’t help but notice a couple of weak entries, however. Such as Michael’s bacon grill and the stupid Princess Unicorn doll that Dwight was selling off in last year’s Christmas episode. Who would ever chose to play with one of those pieces?

That's like getting stuck with the iron or the thimble.

But somehow in my first look, I missed the greatest Monopoly piece ever created: Andy Bernard’s banjo.

You have to understand that Andy and his banjo have provided two of my favorite Office moments of all time. (1) Andy serenading Pam with Kermit the Frog’s Rainbow Connection in his falsetto voice… IN PIG LATIN and (2) Andy and Dwight fighting over new girl Erin with their dueling Country Roads performance.

The banjo has much more of a reoccurring, lasting impact on the show than the bacon grill or the Princess Unicorn.

Without hesitation, I cast my vote and the current voting results were instantly returned.

1. Dwight’s bobblehead: 32% (no surprise)
2. Michael’s mug: 19% (fine with that one too)
3. Pam’s candy dish: 8% (I would never play with that piece, but I get why it’s there)
4. Dwight’s beet: 7% (really? We already have one Dwight related piece in the running!)
5. Michael’s bacon grill: 7% (Um…What?)
6. Princess Unicorn: 7% (Whaaaaaat????)
7. Andy’s Banjo: 6%

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Not only is the one piece I care about just barely out of the running, it is right behind the two worst pieces available. I would take the gold medal yogurt lid, or the can of tuna, or the rabid bat over those two losers in a heartbeat.

And why couldn’t the banjo be in ninth place or even dead last just to put me out of my misery. In typical story-of-my-life fashion, it had to be right there in seventh, making me feel like it still had a chance.

I’m not going to lie. I snapped.

29 years of living just outside the winner’s circle had finally gotten to me, so I spent the rest of that day voting for the banjo over and over again. This had become so much more than a board game playing piece. This was going to be my opening round punch to turning 30; I was going to start this next chapter of my life with a win.

I don’t know exactly how many times I actually voted that day (lost count after a couple hundred) but the results never changed. I became infuriated at the thought that while I was voting for the banjo, there was some yahoo in Kansas repeatedly voting for the Princess Unicorn.

Even though the original Office tweet said that had been the last day of voting, I kept checking into the site for the next couple of days and was able to keep voting for the banjo until a startling revelation started sinking into my brain. Maybe I had missed the voting period completely and the results that kept returning were not the updated results, but the FINAL results.

Sure enough, I went to the site one last time this past weekend and you no longer had the opportunity to vote. The final results were posted with the banjo sitting just on the outside in seventh place (and somehow the bacon grill and Princess Unicorn have even passed the beet just for a little more insult to injury). The game is set to be released in August and I would love to belive that I'm strong enough not to purchase it. But, being the fan I am of both entities, I probably will and I'll resent that Princess Unicorn game piece every time I see it.

Just a stellar start to another year on life’s merry-go-round.

Happy birthday, indeed.

INDenverTimes Pop Culture Podcast

2010-02-03T00:25:00.005-05:00

INDenverTimes columnist Josh Mahler and broadcast partner Gray Brothers break down the Oscar nominations in the new weekly pop culture podcast.

The guys also discuss Jay Leno's recent appearance on Oprah, the final season of Lost, Taylor Swift's success at the Grammy's, and the announcement that the cast of Jersey Shore will return for a second season.

Just press play.

Movin' Out (Josh's Story)

2010-02-01T06:00:00.006-05:00

Don’t you just love it when a friend asks you, “Got any plans this weekend?”

They’re not asking because they all of a sudden care about your personal life. They’re asking because they have something that they want you to do for them.

If you say “No, I don’t have any plans”, it’s never a good follow-up to the original question. They never say, “Oh good, because I have an extra court side seat to a basketball game,” or “I know this girl who looks exactly like Scarlett Johansson that would be perfect for you,” or “I found a tree that grows money, wanna go help me pick a few bushels?”.

Instead, it’s always something terrible that you do not want to do.

You’re lucky if it’s only “Would you be able to babysit?” or “Can you help me fix the sink in my house?” but we all dread the king “got any plans this weekend” question:

“Will you help us move?”

Unfortunately I recently had to propose that very question to a few of our new friends as my Wife and I moved to a new apartment this past weekend. What made me nervous about this particular move is that since we haven't been in the area that long, we don’t really have that many friends yet and can’t afford to lose any to “will you help us move?”. I’ve moved many times in my life and I’ve noticed that you lose roughly 3 percent of your existing relationships in the process.

I can’t help but think that our friends are judging us and resenting our possessions as I force them to lug our junk around town. When you think about it, helping someone else move essentially means losing a day out of your existence to physically beat yourself up as you move someone else’s stuff from one residential location to another.

And all you get out of it is a couple slices of pizza.

How did pizza become the socially accepted standard of payment for helping a friend move anyhow? I’m with the guys from The Big Bang Theory; it should be your choice of a video game system or a mountain bike.

At the very least.

On the other hand, moving is no pizza picnic if you’re the ones actually having to make the move. Besides providing food for all of your friends that now hate you, it costs a small fortune to get from one door to the other.

Sure the price of renting a truck may only be $19.95, but that’s before you add insurance, pay $0.79 a mile, and have to fill the truck up with gas before returning it.

That $19.95 gets to $50 faster than NBC can take The Tonight Show away from you.

Then there are your utilities and other bills. Not only do you have to contact all of them to change your mailing address but now they charge you for changing addresses. One of my utility companies calls it a "transition fee" and is charging me 15 bucks to keep using a service I already have to keep using.

Thanks... I guess?

Thankfully, most of our regular trivia team came out bright and early on Saturday to help my Wife and I move to our new place. Everything was going surprisingly smooth until The Bull and I were loading our box springs mattress up on the truck. We were carrying the mattress a little too high as we were going up the ramp and the high corner of the box spring hit the top of the truck and rocket launched back into my face.

It must have knocked some sense into me because as the cartoon birdies were circling around my head, I suddenly realized two very important things.

First of all, I had completely underestimated how strong my friends are, which caused me to underestimate how long the moving process would take. Since I base everything on my own level of strength (or lack thereof), I just assumed it would take two guys to carry every piece of furniture. But these guys were carrying the big ticket items all by themselves. I’m even pretty sure that at one point, my buddy Jesse had our coffee table under one arm, a bookcase under the other, and a small horse on his shoulder.

Second, and more importantly, as much as my Wife and I have held many pity parties over the past year about not having good friends out here in our new homeland, here we were completely surrounded by people… helping us move!

In my book, that’s one of the basic definitions of friendship.

After everyone left, we crashed on the couch and surveyed the damage. We were exhausted, broke, and surrounded by boxes that I can only hope will all be unpacked by Easter. But we know we are genuinely blessed and the new apartment already feels like a home.

So, got any plans for this coming weekend? We have a lot of boxes to unpack.

There’s plenty of pizza left.

TV News & Notes/American Idol Recap

2010-01-28T00:00:00.002-05:00

LOST RETURNS NEXT WEEK
The last season of Lost kicks off with a two-hour season premier on Tuesday, February 2. A recap hour airs at 7 p.m. on ABC, followed by the premiere. If you need a quick refresher, Rob Owen of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sets the stage for the final season:

• What became of Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) when she used a rock to pound on a bomb after getting dragged, tangled in chains, into a pit?

• Presuming the bomb detonated -- the screen did go white -- did the explosion do what Jack (Matthew Fox) said it would: Re-set time and prevent Oceanic 815 from crashing on the island in the first place?

• John Locke (Terry O'Quinn) turned out not to be Locke, who died and evidently was not resurrected. Instead it was some sort of unnamed island entity (the smoke monster's cousin, perhaps?), previously seen as The Man in Black (Titus Welliver), who took the form of Locke.

• Ben (Michael Emerson) stabbed Jacob (Mark Pellegrino), angry at him for allowing faux Locke to meet Jacob the first time he asked, even though Ben was on the island asking to see Jacob for decades.

NBC AND CONAN TOGETHER AGAIN
Well... not exactly. According to Variety.com: “Just days after NBC sealed its $33 million exit deal with Conan O'Brien, the Peacock has greenlighted a drama pilot from O'Brien's Conaco shingle. Untitled drama -- previously known as Justice-- from scribe John Eisendrath, revolves around a former Supreme Court Justice who bails from the Court in order to start his own legal practice. As part of O'Brien's departure last week, Conaco remains set up right now at Universal Media Studios, where it still has a year and a half left on its deal. Other Conaco projects in development include a sitcom starring Paul Rust; a buddy laffer from Steve Tompkins; a dating sitcom from Stephen Engel; a show set in a coffeehouse, from Kevin Cecil and Andy Riley; and a sci-fi comedy from Brian Kelley and Paul Simms.”

CRIMINAL MINDS SPIN-OFF
From TVGuide.com: “Forest Whitaker is in final negotiations to headline the Criminal Minds spin-off, TVGuide.com has confirmed. The Oscar winner will play Cooper, the head agent of a group of profilers who work outside the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. The mysterious Cooper has been off the grid for the last eight years. CBS could not confirm the casting. The new team will be introduced in a spring episode of Criminal Minds. Minds executive producer and writer Chris Mundy wrote the spin-off, which is based on a story by him and executive producer and showrunner Ed Bernero. Whitaker is no stranger to television, having appeared on The Shield as Vic Mackey's nemesis Lt. Jon Kavanaugh, and as a stroke victim on ER, for which he earned an Emmy nomination.”

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER NEWS
Remember back in the old days, when we would have to wait until the network upfronts in May to find out if How I Met Your Mother would survive the chopping block? Well, not anymore! CBS announced this week that the series has already been picked up for a sixth season. Meanwhile, the Eye network has also given HIMYM co-creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas a pilot order on their new sitcom, Livin on a Prayer. The new comedy will focus on a young dating couple who are figuring out the next phase of their relationship in Pittsburgh. So basically Marshall and Lilly in Pittsburgh. While there have been plenty of examples of creators leaving a show to go start a new one, Bays and Thomas have remained very involved with HIMYM throughout the first five seasons, so it will be interesting to see where how this new development will affect Ted and the gang in New York City.

AMERICAN IDOL RECAP
American Idol was delayed in the Denver area last night due to President Obama's State of the Union Address and then the Republican Party response by new Virginia Governor, Bob McDonnell (from the it's a small world department: I apparently went to preschool with Governor McDonnell's son). With the 40 billion cable news stations in the world today, it drives me crazy when politics interferes with my regularly scheduled programming.

We gotta have some priorities, people!

I wasn't crazy about the Los Angeles auditions on Tuesday night at all, but the Dallas show last night more than made up for it.

As much as I like the idea of the celebrity guest judges for each of the audition shows, the execution has come up a little short as most of them have failed to make any impact or even an impression on the proceedings (did Joe Jonas say anything more than "yes" to every contestant that passed through?). That being said, with the recent announcement that this is Simon's final season, I'm ready to pass the torch of resident meanie to Neil Patrick Harris based on his stint last night - as long as it doesn't interfere with his day job as Barney Stinson on HIMYM. At times it felt like Neil was running the show and wasn't afraid of stepping on any toes, especially Simon's. In fact, is it too late to replace Ellen?

On to the contestants:

From L.A., Jim Ranger (the worship minister) and Andrew Garcia (sang the Maroon 5 song) were they only two that blipped on my radar, but Dallas provided more than just a couple legit contenders in my book.

1. Todrick Hall - He sang the cutesy song about the audition process and I still really liked him despite that. He's one of the first contestants so far that seems to already have a radio-ready voice.

2. Dave Pittman - the guy from Arkansas that has turrets syndrome. I think America could get behind him and he had a good voice, good vibe, and good look. All very important.

3. Christian Spears - she's the cancer survivor that's only 16 years old, but if everything breaks right I could totally see her going on a Jordin Sparks type run.

4. Kimberly Carver - Simon and NPH were split on this girl's jazzy stylings. I don't know how far she could go, but I liked her style and I liked her.

5. Lloyd Thomas - I don't think the dock working father of two has any chance of winning the whole thing but he has a great personality and I wouldn't mind if he stuck around for a while.

What did you think? Did I leave any of your favorites out? Let me know your thoughts below and don't forget that the auditions that took place here in Denver airs this coming Tuesday night! Can't wait to see what kind of talent (or lack thereof) our city has to offer.

The Ticket Master

2010-01-25T06:00:00.028-05:00

Maybe it’s just me, but lately it seems like ordering event tickets online is getting more difficult than ever before.

I remember when you used to have to either purchase by phone or go stand in line at a physical location; so when websites like Ticketmaster.com started popping up, being able to see your favorite team or band became a lot easier and more convenient.

Now, buying tickets online is about as convenient as a root canal.

I understand that these sites have to take necessary security measures because there are too many crazy people out there and identity theft is a serious issue, but after a recent incident, standing in a line… for hours on end… in the rain, doesn’t seem like such a bad idea anymore.

Since my poor Wife has been putting up with so much glorious playoff football recently, I wanted to do something nice and take her to a concert downtown. I went to online to order the tickets without a single inkling that I was about to embark on a spiraling decent toward madness.

Everything started off nice and easy as I found the concert event page and selected two tickets in the section we wanted to sit in.

So far, so good.

Then everything began to fall apart when I was asked for my login name and password. Two immediate problems with this request: (1) I set up my account with this particular ticket site when I was in college (the first time I was enrolled, over 10 years ago) so forgive me for being a little fuzzy on that information. (2) There is a little ticking clock at the bottom of the screen serving as a constant reminder that you only have two minutes to complete your order.

So now I feel like MacGyver trying to disarm a bomb while at the same time combing the recesses of my brain for my password info.

It should also be noted that I now have so many online accounts that I’ve actually started a written list to help me remember what password goes to what website. Of course you can’t have the same password for every account because some require five letters, some require six, and some require five to six letters with a number included.

You know, for your convenience.

After I had tried every password I could think of, I finally conceded and hit the dreaded “forgot password?” link. This took me to another page where I had to enter my e-mail address for them to send me a new, generic password since I am apparently too dumb to remember my own.

This meant that I had to open a new web page, go to my e-mail account, login, and keep hitting refresh until I finally received the new password. Naturally the clock on my original page ran out, so I had to go back to the home page and start over because you get the “warning, page expired” notice if you just try to hit the back button.

I learned that one the hard way.

Once I had reselected my seats and successfully logged in with my new idiot-proof password, I was greeted by my new favorite security device, the word verification tool.

It’s the little word box that pops up before you can proceed to your desired page that presents you with some odd combination of letters or words that have been distorted and you have to retype them correctly to move forward.

And the word phrases never make sense. It’s always something like:

aardvark rain

or

tulsa indigo

or

immortal goat cheese

I was almost home free but I remembered that I was going to pay for our tickets with a brand new credit card instead of the card that was already listed on the account. You would think that were would be a simple “add another credit card” option, but my laptop legitimately began laughing out loud at the very thought of something so accommodating.

Nope, I had to go to the “edit account settings” link and add the new card information and I was just about done when the clock ran out again.

At this point, there were so many tears in my eyes, I could barely see the screen anymore.

I went back to the home page, found my event, selected my seats, logged in my password, typed in the word verification phrase, clicked the check-out button, accepted the $14 worth of “convenience” charges, and finally bought my tickets.

The whole process took a half hour out of my day and probably a few minutes off my life but after what I just went through, I can guarantee that I am going to enjoy every minute of that concert.

It may be the last one I ever attend.

TV News & Notes/American Idol Recap

2010-01-21T00:00:00.002-05:00

Hope for Haiti Telethon
From TVGuide.com: “Bruce Springsteen, Jay-Z, Bono and The Edge, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, Keith Urban, Jennifer Hudson, and Alicia Keys are among the heavy hitters participating in Friday's 'Hope for Haiti' telethon. Performances from the telethon, which will be broadcast from New York, Los Angeles, London and Haiti, will also be available on iTunes for 99 cents each starting Saturday, and all proceeds will go to Haitian relief. The two-hour, commercial-free special — starting at 8/7c on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, BET, the CW, HBO, MTV, VH1 and CMT — will be headlined by George Clooney in Los Angeles, Wyclef Jean in New York and Anderson Cooper in Haiti.

Neil Patrick Harris to Guest Star on Glee
Also from TVGuide.com: “Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog director, Joss Whedon, and Neil Patrick Harris may be making sweet music together yet again. The How I Met Your Mother Star is nearing a deal to appear in the May sweeps episode of Glee that will be directed by Whedon, Entertainment Weekly reports. Ryan Murphy, creator of the Golden Globe-winning freshman series, would create a role especially for Harris, which would entail a fair share of singing and dancing. Zachary Woodlee, who choreographed the musical number in HIMYM's 100th episode, would also take part.”

The Latest on the NBC Late Night Saga
From tvbythenumbers.com: “The decision to let O’Brien walk apparently came down to who was cheaper to let go. Leno has an ironclad, 'brilliantly written' agreement that guarantees his production company a staggering $150 million if NBC Universal axes his flailing primetime show, an insider said.”

ALSO, "FX Networks president John Landgraf said he would jump at the chance to get Conan O’Brien to host a late night show for FX “in a heartbeat” if Conan made himself available to basic cable."

While Conan would definitely be able to get more money and (initial) exposure on a major network like Fox, I personally believe that a move to a cable network like FX could prove to be more beneficial in the long run. He could get back to being himself and within ten years, I think there will be some cable channels that will be regularly bringing in higher ratings that the traditional networks (i.e. NBC). No matter where Coco goes, he's going to lose to Jay (and maybe even Dave) for the first couple of years if he airs at 11:35 p.m. His team has to ride it out and think long term. Cable may not be the worst place to do it.

American Idol Recap
Sorry I wasn't able to post the recap from Tuesday night's show yesterday. The Chicago auditions didn't do too much for me (maybe I'm just still stuck on all the talent from Atlanta), although I did enjoy Shania Twain as the guest judge.

Only three really stood out - in a good way - from ChiTown:

1. Katelyn Epperly - she led off the night and was there despite going through some family problems. I'm naturally drawn to people that have a unique, original vibe and it seems like Katelyn certainly does. Can't wait to see her if she can stand out in the Hollywood setting.

2. Paige Dechausse - Simon didn't care for her as much as the other judges, and I do agree she does need to turn down the self-indulgence in her singing. If she does, she could do well.

3. Charity Vance - Her parents run a hair salon from their home and Charity sings for the customers. I could easily see her getting swallowed up by Hollywood, but she was definitely good enough to make it to the next round

We got a lot more of the same last night in Orlando:

1. Jermaine Purifoy - put a fresh twist on Tony Bennett's classic standard "Smile"

2. Matthew Lawrence - he was the one who spent "four birthdays" in prison but Idol is a great place for redemption stories.

3. Shelby Dressel - she was the girl that has the underdeveloped cranial nerve that causes a slight facial deformity. I was actually really impressed with the tone of her voice despite her obvious nervousness which led to her forgetting the words of Norah Jones' "Turn Me On".

4. Jarrold Norrell - because any good audition should end with you getting escorted out of the building in handcuffs.

Who were your favorites over the past couple nights? Did I miss anyone? Let me know below!

Trivia Wars Bonus Material

2010-01-18T06:01:00.002-05:00

This column started as a 1,300 word short story and there was a lot of stuff that landed on the cutting room floor. Fortunately I was smart enough to think of this Bonus Feature idea so I can include some of it in this space.

> I was going to start the column with the following about Ben Affleck but other than cranking out a few good jokes, it really didn't add anything to the story I was trying to tell. It took me a long time to finally cut it because I really liked it but at least I can include it here:

What have I ever done to Ben Affleck?

I apparently must have committed some kind of egregious offense against the movie star, because he keeps ruining my life.

First of all, he will occasionally make a decent film to lure me back in, only to follow it up with a string of bombs that are so bad, he might as well take my money at gunpoint and save me the trouble of wasting the time. For every Good Will Hunting and Dogma, there have been ten Giglis and Daredevils.

Contributing to the delinquency of moviegoers is one thing, but now Affleck is attacking me in my everyday life.

> The other thing that was really hard to leave out was referencing the college football game a couple of years ago between Kentucky and LSU. The Wildcats took a late lead and were so excited about upsetting the Tigers that some of the Kentucky players even dumped the Gatorade all over their coach only to witness LSU win on a miracle pass on the last play of the game. The Bull and I couldn't help but make the comparison at the bar after we had lost the other night. You should have seen the way we prematurely celebrated the win only to have Moe pull the rug out from under us.

Here are the video highlights of that Kentucky-LSU game (including the Gatorade bath):

> And finally, as bad as this experience was, nothing will ever top my Frasier trivia disaster back in Virginia. I wanted to reference this one too, but again, it didn't add anything to this particular story.

I still have a hard time reliving this nightmare but here it is in case you do:

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF (9/18/2008)

I will never forgive myself for what I did last night. There is no punishment or shame that anyone could heap upon me that could be worse than the mental torture that I'm still putting myself through a day later.

It all started innocently enough... it always does.

I was hanging out with my buddy Paul at the Monarch Sports Grille in downtown Norfolk at Old Dominion University (PS. this is my new favorite place in the world. It's the nicest, cleanest sports bar in town and even though it's on the ODU campus, it's part of the new Marriott hotel so it's upscale enough to keep out the cheap, noisy college riff-raff).

The Monarch is right around the corner from my Girlfriend's new apartment, so I've been stopping in regularly to catch a few innings of a Phillies game or just hang out for a while - and by "stopping in regularly", I mean that the entire wait staff knows me by name now, knows my drink of choice without me asking anymore, and they've even started turning the channel to the Phillies games as I walk in the door without me asking. Now if I can only get them all to shout out "Josh!" in unison as I walk in like the gang did for Norm Peterson on "Cheers", I'd be set.

All that to say, that I've been hanging out at the Monarch enough to know that they hold a Trivia Night on Wednesdays and my team has come in second place the last two weeks. The first time we played, I was there with my Girlfriend and some of her friends and I thought the trivia was fun but was paying more attention to the TV than the questions. It wasn't until we won a $25 gift certificate to the Monarch (that covered our tab that night) that I was hooked and have now made it part of my regular weekly routine.

The girls couldn't make it last night so it was just me and Paul and a nice guy we met, Don, that was staying in the hotel on business (my Girlfriend made it for the bonus round, but more on that in a minute).

Here's how Trivia Night works at the Monarch: there are four rounds with four questions in each round. The guy who runs the game asks a question over the microphone and you have like three minutes to write your answer down on a piece of paper they give you and then turn it in. Each question in the first round is worth 10 points, each is worth 20 in the second, and so on.

Then comes the crucial bonus round.

There are only four questions in the bonus round. The first one is worth 20 points, the second is worth 40, the third is worth 60 and the fourth is worth 80. The catch to the bonus round is that if you answer a question incorrectly, those point values are deducted from your score, so you gotta play it safe and skip a question if you just don't know it.

Then there's a final jeopardy round where you can wager your points based on the final category and then you have three minutes to answer the final question.

So, we were plugging along and were tied for second going into the bonus round. There was one group of guys who were answering EVERYTHING correct and were way ahead so we knew we had to make up some ground and be aggressive in the bonus round.

We got the first one right, skipped on the second, and then my Girlfriend showed up just as we were trying to answer the third (what are the only two Great Lakes that only border one U.S. state). We had Ontario but she swooped in and reminded us of Huron, so we got that one right and then were treated to a gimmie with the fourth bonus question (what actress has won the most Best Lead Actress Oscar awards - Katherine Hepburn, thank you very much).

With getting three out of four in the bonus round, we had moved up to 300 total points and were all alone in second place behind the group who now had 460 points. We knew we had to swing for the fences on the final jeopardy question, but it would all come down to how much we would wager on the category.

Two weeks ago, the category was "Inventors" and last week the category was "Geography", so I was prepared to be cautious, but starting doing a victory dance when the guy announced our final category was "Television".

TELEVISION.

The ONE thing I know more about than anything else on the planet.

I couldn't believe it. Paul and I wanted to wager it all and even though my Girlfriend trusted me, she wanted to play it safe and just leave a little in case of the worst.

I was so excited, I proceeded to give her some incoherent, rousing speech on how I would carry us and if there was ever a category, NAY, a moment to go all in on something, this was it. She finally conceded and I turned in our wager of 300 points and then we waited for the final question.

The thing that I will always take from what happened next is how simple the question was and how SURE I was of the answer.

"What television series holds the record of winning 37 primetime Emmy awards?"

That was it.

Instantly, my Girlfriend and Paul looked at me and said "Frasier!!"

My Girlfriend was so excited because this was a slam-dunk question about my favorite show of all time.

"No." I said calmly as I began to write two little letters on the sheet of paper:

"E" and "R".

"Really?" My Girlfriend said. "I thought 'Frasier' won the most Emmys," Paul added.

"Frasier holds the record for most Outstanding Comedy Series wins with five," I said astutely in all of my vast wisdom and knowledge. "'ER' has the most awards."

Some people around the bar were mentioning "Seinfeld" and "M*A*S*H*" ran through my head for a moment, but the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that it was "ER".

Here was my thinking: "ER" has been on FOREVER. It's had so many guest directors and guest stars, not to mention a brand new cast every other year. I just thought there were too many opportunities for nominations and awards and I just COULDN'T THINK of how "Frasier" would be at 37 total awards. I knew it had won the five Outstanding Comedy Series Emmys, I knew it had won a couple of writing and guest star awards, and I knew Kelsey Grammar and David Hyde Pierce had won a couple acting statues; but in my brain I just couldn't get the total past 20-25, AT THE MOST.

At this point, I was supremely confident and we turned in our slip of paper and waited.

I actually stood up as he made the announcement.

And then, everything went silent.

It was like getting shot in the heart by an arrow from a bow. Instant, overwhelming pain and then nothing. I actually got woozy and almost missed my seat as I fell backwards.

"Frasier".

My favorite show of all time.

"Frasier".

The show I would actually die defending as the greatest scripted series ever.

"Frasier".

The REASON why I love sitcoms and why I am writing a post on a pop culture website RIGHT NOW.

"Frasier".

I still can't believe it - but sure enough, it's true (Click here for all of "Frasier's" nominations and awards).

Unbelievable.

I looked it all up when I got home and in my defense, "ER" has been NOMINATED for the most Emmys ever (122) so I guess I heard that somewhere and the wires in my brain got crossed.

But how did I not know that about "Frasier"? I'm the guy that can tell you every episode from every season (almost in order) but I don't know that they've won the most Emmys of all-time?? That would be like if you were a life-long Yankees fan and didn't know that they have the most World Series titles or something.

Grossly unacceptable.

The team that was way ahead got the answer right (of course) and won going away. Fortunately for us, everyone else got the answer wrong as well and there was a three-way tie for second place.

I kinda redeemed myself with winning the tie-breaker question (Which of the following was NOT an actual G.I. Joe character: Beachhead, Hummer, Snow Job - the answer of course, would be Hummer) so we maintained our second place title for yet another week.

Even though we wouldn't have won even if we had gotten the answer correct, I HAVE to get that one... right? Should my rights as a "Frasier" fan be suspended indefinitely? Should I not be able to watch reruns for a specified probation period?

I honestly didn't know what to do next.

Dejected and defeated, I couldn't stop thinking about it when I got home. After searching for all of this information online, I was still restless so I threw in a season five episode on my DVD player. It took a while but I finally relaxed because of the simple knowledge that in my mind, and in the record books, "Frasier" will always be the best.

Trivia Wars: The Clown Show Strikes Again

2010-01-18T06:00:00.008-05:00

Competing in bar trivia has become one of my new favorite hobbies over the past couple years. I had no idea that bar trivia was even an actual, orgainzed activity, but I quickly got hooked because it serves as the perfect outlet for all of the useless information I’ve mentally acquired over the past 29 years.

There is a group of us that are now Thursday night regulars at a sports bar right down the street from our apartment (it’s purely coincidental that my Wife and I will be moving into a new place across the street from the bar in a couple of weeks. I promise).

The thing I like about the trivia at this bar is that the same teams come out to play every week, so we’ve gotten to know our competition and have developed a little history over the months. But there’s one team that has legitimately become our archrivals. We hate them so much. We hate them the way that you are supposed to hate people that are cruel to animals or the Devil or NBC.

They are the evil empire of our bar trivia.

They are The No Talent A-- Clowns.

(Beyond just hating them for always winning, we hate that they have a great team name, which of course comes from the classic line from Office Space.)

Our team, Suit Up!, has had multiple second and third place finishes and we’re always in the game going into the final round; but we’ve never won it all because The Clown Show (as I’ve started calling them) ALWAYS wins. I’m sure I’m exaggerating. I’m almost positive that Slow Children Playing or The Sandlot have won a couple rounds along the way, but I’m usually comatose by the time the winner is crowned after another failed attempt at taking down the Clown.

I can’t see this past Thursday night getting topped, though. I’m positive that our most recent defeat will go down in bar trivia history as one of the most epic collapses of all time.

The fundamental problem with our team is that we’re just too young. At almost 30 years old, I’m one of the oldest members of the squad so we’re in trouble with any questions about events that happened before 1980.

And apparently a lot of stuff happened before then.

Getting desperate, we decided to bring in a couple of ringers. We have a brother/sister combo on our team (Greg and Laura) and their well-educated parents that have lived all over the globe were in town so we convinced them to come to trivia this past week and help us out. For the first three rounds our planned worked like a charm. Greg and Laura’s folks were answering questions we normally wouldn’t have had a prayer of getting correct. They got a Lichtenstein answer, something about the Sea of Japan, and something else about the Warsaw Pact.

I just sat back and enjoyed the ride as we cruised into the final question in first place. This was new territory for us as we’ve never been in first place at this point before.

The final question was a four-parter about the prestigious acting career of Mr. Ben Affleck and broke down like this: (1) name Ben Affleck’s brother that is also an actor – easy, Casey. (2) What was Ben’s two letter name from Armageddon – super easy, A.J. (3) Which female actress starred with Ben in Forces of Nature – super duper easy, Sandra Bullock. (4) What was Ben Affleck’s first credited film –

Ummmm…

Uh-oh.

There was no way we had come this far just to lose. We had to figure it out. After several moments of racking our brains, I thought we were done for until our team member Heather blurted out Dazed and Confused.

That was it. That was the answer.

I knew in that moment we had won and taken down The Clown Show.

Still, I couldn’t help but pace the floor as all the final answers were collected by Moe, the bar D.J. who runs trivia night. Moe knew the stakes and what was on the line. He even drew out the drama a bit to let the tension run a little higher than usual.

First answer: correct. Second answer: correct. Third answer: correct.

We were almost home.

For the final part, Moe read the question again and then let the silence sit for a few seconds. Then he said the magical words "Dazed". "And". "Confused".

Our table erupted.

I was speechless. We had done it.

I was on the brink of euphoria until the world started moving in slow motion and I saw my buddy Greg trying to calm everyone at the table down. I knew exactly what had happened. In our moment of premature celebration we had forgotten about one of Moe’s favorite things to do.

“Dazed and Confused…” He paused, “Is the wrong answer!”

(The correct answer is School Ties which apparently lauched Brendan Fraser's career. No wonder I've blocked it out of my memory.)

Not only had we lost, we now looked like fools in the process. I stood paralyzed as the final results flashed up on the big screen at the bar.

Second Place: Suit Up!

First Place (once again and forever more): The No Talent A-- Clowns.

That was our best chance. We threw our best punch and still came up short. We probably should just give up and accept that fate has destined us to perpetually finish behind The Clown Show.

Until we try again this week.

*Click here for Trivia Wars Bonus Material

Jesse Gray's Weekly DVD Review: The Hurt Locker

2010-01-14T12:39:00.004-05:00

PASSING THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FILM

Ironically enough, I’ve found that when you put the word “super” in front of the word “hero”, it actually drains the character of all its power and impact.

When I see movies like Iron Man, Spiderman or Superman, I am entertained and dazzled by the spectacle. I’ve always enjoyed comic books and cartoons that revolve around superheroes, and the recent outpouring of comic-based films has been (for the most part) a welcome trend. However, after watching Hurt Locker, I realize just how empty those heroes now seem to me.

The essence of a hero boils down to courage, selflessness, and sacrifice. Superheroes have those qualities, but they are lost behind the glamour, wealth, gadgets or powers that make them “super”. As a child I was inspired by superheroes because of the fantastical elements involved, but now that I see the world through the eyes of experience and disillusionment, I crave heroes I can relate to. Aside from the occasional daydreams of having superpowers to punish the jerk who cuts me off on the freeway, or to dazzle the gal that just isn’t impressed with DVD reviews, I don’t want to emulate a superhero anymore. Superheroes exist to excite the mind and trigger the imagination. They perform truly heroic acts, but when placed in the context of reality, those acts ring hollow and create a cynicism about the existence of real heroes.

The Hurt Locker restored my faith in true heroism.

The film is not a documentary, but it was shot in a style that replicates the authentic feel of raw genuine footage. The effect is an illusion that you are watching real people do real things in real danger, and so acts of courage and selflessness have the ability to strike a chord. The characters aren’t flawless, they aren’t saints, but they are people putting their lives on the line to save the lives of others. I felt admiration for the work they did, for their toughness and ability to cope with fear. They weren’t without fear—they just didn’t let it stop them from doing what needed to be done. They were very human, very relatable, and the fact that there are actually men and women doing exactly what the characters were doing made their actions resonate in a powerful way.

The film shows the soldier’s vulnerabilities and mistakes, and it does nothing to glorify their jobs or their fight. But in doing nothing more than trying to capture reality, the film is able to reveal the heart of heroism that exists in the real world as we know it, and there are no superpowers, special effects, or motley costumes to obscure the view.

DVD BASICS

Your Cup O’ Tea:
If you’re a fan of more documentary-type filmmaking, you enjoy character-driven plots, you’re looking for realistic portrayals of war or you’d rather be immersed than entertained.

Steer Clear:
If you want a fast-paced thrill-ride or a typical war film. There is violence but it’s few and far between, no shoot-out scenes or even palpable villains. This isn’t good versus evil with an underlying plot and resolution at the end. It’s episodic, and there is a lot of downtime.

Nothing New Under the Sun:
This is going to fit in more with a war documentary than with any other Hollywood-type film out there. It’s rather unique, since it has the feel of realism without having any footage of authentic scenarios or battles. It has the pacing of a sniper film, like Enemy at the Gates without the love triangle and definitive villain, but it’s hard to find another flick out there that has done what this film has done.

Buy or Rent:
Rent. You can get through the special features in less than forty minutes, and this is definitely an experiential piece. You watch it, you appreciate it, but most likely there won’t be anything to draw you back. It’s worth a viewing, but you most likely won’t find it entertaining in a way that would make you want to see it again.

DVD FEATURES

- Scene Selection

- Language Selection

- Feature Commentary with director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal

- The Hurt Locker: Behind the Scenes
Approx 12 minutes. A very typical behind-the-scenes feature that does little more than tell you what you’ve seen in the film. Almost a third of the running time is occupied by clips from the movie with very little “behind-the-scenes” footage mixed in. If you want a summary of the movie without watching it, this section is useful. But if you’ve seen the film, this is going to be little more than redundant.
DUH! FACTOR (On a scale of 1 to 10—10 being “very obvious” and 1 being “interesting”): 10

- Image Gallery (with or without Q&A Recorded at the Institute of Contemporary Art, London):
Approx 23 minutes. This is a collection of feature and production stills from the film. They are pretty small and low-res, so they don’t really garner that much interest. You can view them as a slideshow with a director/writer Q&A session providing the soundtrack, which redeems this feature to a degree. Bigelow and Boal talk about everything from the musical score to casting, to distribution, and elaborate on their movie-making philosophy and strategy. Again, it’s a lot of telling you what you’ve already seen, but there are some nuggets of interest if you care about the filmmaking process. Content is discussed, but not to any great depth.
DUH! FACTOR: 7

Woulda Been Nice: To have a day-in-the-life-of-an-actor-on-set segment. There’s a wee bit of footage and some stills showing the actors on set that piqued my interest as to what it was like to film in Jordan. And it would have been fascinating to see interviews with the native extras to see what they thought of the filming and their take on the experience of working with American filmmakers.

TV News & Notes

2010-01-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

Getting Political
Whether you're a democrat or a republican, we can all get behind Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien in the ongoing NBC late night saga. Los Angeles based designer Mike Mitchell has recently created an Internet buzz with his new "I'm with Coco" politically styled image of the (current) Tonight Show anchor. In case you're wondering where I personally stand on the issue, just last night I uploaded the Coco image as my new Facebook profile picture - and you can join the fan page here.

Not the Only One Going to Fox
While rumors and speculation still swirl that O'Brien will be moving over to Fox, another comedian with Saturday Night Live roots will be creating a new series for the network. According to Variety, "Dana Carvey is plotting a TV comeback, partnering with scribe-turned-TV host Spike Feresten to develop and star in a new sketch comedy series for Fox. Fox has picked up a half-hour pilot presentation for the as-yet unnamed Carvey/Feresten project, which will shoot next month." Well, isn't that special?

Thanks for Playing
I have to give The Bachelor producers credit. As much as I hate the premise of the show and am losing respect for myself for watching the premiere last week AND the new episode this past Monday, at least they are giving someone like me some plot lines to get interested in. In the premiere, it was so fascinating to watch Michelle's mental breakdown (and that's going to be a fun ongoing plot line as long as she sticks around). On Monday's episode, bachelorette Rozlyn was dismissed from the premises because of an inappropriate relationship she entered into with one of show's producers. The awkwardness of Chris Harrison's confrontation with Rozlyn was The Office worthy and always makes for great television. Here's hoping for more of that throughout the rest of the season because I'm going to lose interest quick if the focus shifts back to desperate people trying to find genuine love in front of TV cameras.

Golden Globes this Sunday Night
I'm typically not a big fan of the Golden Globes award show , but I will definitely be tuning in this coming Sunday night (NBC, 7 p.m. MST) with underrated comedian Ricky Gervais (creator and star of the the original The Office and Extras) taking on hosting duties. If you do happen to care about the nominated films, shows, and actors, visit the Golden Globes official website here.

American Idol Night Two Recap: Hotlanta!
I couldn't help but notice that the second night of American Idol's season nine premiere made the Tuesday night offering from Boston seem generic. Atlanta has always proved to be a hotbed for talented contestants (Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson, to name a couple, first auditioned there) and Georgia's capital city did not disappoint this time around.

Here's a quick rundown of the contestants that really stood out:

1.Jermaine Sellers - He is the church singer that takes care of his ailing mother, but more importantly he is the first contestant the stood out to me with that "superstar" quality. It's annoying when someone covers a song that either sounds too similar or to different from the original. His rendition of Joan Osborne's One of Us felt fresh but still maintained the integrity of the song we know. Great first impression.

2. Vanessa Wolfe - Like Kara said, I always respect and am intrigued by authentic people. This small town girl from Tennessee is very raw and may not be totally ready for the American Idol monster (as Simon alluded to) but for me, that's what the show is supposed to be about. You can sense her determination to make a better life for herself. Hopefully her voice can lead the way.

3. Skii Bo Ski - When I woke up yesterday morning, I had no idea what a "Skii Bo Si" was but now, that combination of letters actually means something (I'm not sure what) to me today. I thought for sure he was just another clown show but you could see the "uh oh" crash across the judges' faces when they realized he actually has a decent voice. Gotta give the judges credit for acknowledging talent despite the craziness and if Mr. Bo Ski can tune down the insanity a bit, he could do very well in Hollywood (frighteningly enough).

4. Mallorie Haley - as soon as she walked out, my Wife huffed, "there's your sex kitten to enjoy for the season!" Well, If you insist. Some bloggers are already drawing comparisons to Carrie Underwood and while I'm not willing to go that far quite yet, there does seem to be some potential there.

What did you think of night two in Hotlanta? Did I miss any of your favorites?

Let me know!

American Idol Recap: Season Premiere

2010-01-13T13:09:00.003-05:00

The ninth season of American Idol started off a little different than we’re typically used to last night. First, this was the first episode without judge Paula Abdul (it was strange for a moment but then I had forgotten all about her by the end of the night) and then secondly, we found out on Monday that this will be Simon Cowell’s last season as an Idol judge. Simon will certainly be a greater loss than Paula - as he has become the face of the show - but if last night proved anything, it’s that the American Idol machine is going to keep on rolling no matter who is on board this year.

One of the big reasons I’ve always enjoyed the show is that is broken up into three completely different parts. I like that it goes from the audition process to the Hollywood week to the actual competition, and through that we get to see certain contestants evolve as the rest of the field gets weeded out.

The auditions kicked off in Boston and on the whole it was everything we’ve come to expect from this portion of the series. We got a good sampling of the good, the bad, and the crazy, and as I tweeted last night, I always forget how much I enjoy the delusional contestants until I see them again. Good to have you back, crazies! For some people, it’s like watching a train wreck, but it goes beyond that for me. It’s like a fascinating sociological observation that’s focused on subjects with absolutely no self awareness.

I just don’t know how you can go through life thinking you are so talented at something when there’s obvious evidence to the contrary (and please refrain from the "then why are you writing?" jokes).

In my opinion the singers that stood out the most and could make a legitimate run if everything breaks right for them were, in the following order:

1. Tyler Grady – the drummer that broke both of his hands falling out of a tree. I really liked his Jim Morrison/classic rock vibe and his personality in general (despite the fact that he fell out of a tree and broke both of his hands).

2. Ashley Curtis – Simon said she has “it” and he knows better than most of us, so let’s keep an eye on her.

3. Maddy Curtis – the 16 year old girl that has three brothers with Down’s Syndrome. I think she just caught me off guard because I had no expectations for her going in. I need to see her again in the Hollywood setting to get a better read.

4. Justin Williams – good looking guy + great voice + cancer survivor = a winning American Idol formula. He has potential to go very deep on this show.

5. Katie Stevens – another young girl that has the grandmother suffering from Alzheimer’s. She had that Jordan Sparks quality about her but, like Maddy, I want to see a little more from her in a more pressure filled situation.

What did you think of the Idol premiere? Who were your favorites and who were your favorite crazies? And what did you think of the show going sans Paula and Victoria Beckham’s stint as a guest judge?

I’ll be back tomorrow with the new TV News & Notes Feature and a quick recap of tonight’s Idol. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Conan Says No Deal to NBC!

2010-01-12T18:40:00.005-05:00

This development in the NBC late night saga was so big, it warranted its own post. Current Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien has officially said "no thanks" to NBC's proposal of moving Jay Leno to O'Brien's current 11:35 p.m. (EST) timeslot, pushing The Tonight Show to 12:05 a.m. and Jimmy Fallon's show to 1:05 a.m.

O'Brien issued a surprising statement this afternoon (below) and as a Conan fan, I was impressed with his class and ability to stick to his convictions in a situation where no one would blame him for compromising.

NBC announced that there will be a new Tonight Show tonight and I can't wait to tune in and see what happens.

Details to follow...

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit

2010-01-12T09:53:00.011-05:00

If it is ever revealed that How I Met Your Mother has been playing possum over the last season and a half just to set up last night's epic 100th episode, I would actually be OK with that. Beyond seeing Ted step foot into his future wife's apartment for the first time, Barney's story line of having to choose between a hot girl and his suits was brilliant.

Here are the lines from Barney's musical number (below) that killed me:

"To score a ten would be just fine, but I'd rather be dressed to the nines"

"A wingman I can wear"

"A perfect way to snare a girl with daddy issues"

"My Sunday Best are my best friends, send Casual Friday down the laundry shoot"

Forget Jay vs. Conan, It's NBC vs. Me Bonus Material

2010-01-11T00:08:00.010-05:00

The NBC-Jay Leno-Conan O'Brien saga has been unfolding so quickly, it's been difficult to keep up with all of the developments. I will be regularly updating all the new breaking news on this post, starting with these latest posts from around the Internet, so keep checking in.

- CONAN TO NBC: NO DEAL! (from tvguide.com)

- Jay and Conan Rip NBC (from tvguide.com)

- Did NBC Bumble Into Brilliance? (from ew.com)

- NBC Unveils Six More Dramas (from tvweek.com)

- NBC Pres: There Is No Tension With Conan (from tvguide.com)

- All Eyes Turn To Conan: Will He Stay or Will He Go? (from tvbythenumbers.com)

- It's Official: Leno Exiting Primetime (from tvbythenumbers.com)

- What Will Replace Leno at 10? (from tvguide.com)

- Conan Can Turn to Fox (from tvweek.com)

- CBS exec: NBC's Leno experiment didn't work (from tvsquad.com)

- Who's Really to Blame for NBC's Late Night Mess (from latimes.com)

Forget Jay vs. Conan, it's NBC vs. Me

2010-01-11T00:00:00.001-05:00

Forgive me for not submitting a traditional Monday slice of life column. I had a couple of ideas in the works, but then NBC pushed me a little too far this past Friday and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything since.

I've written about this a lot during the past year, but to quickly catch up any new readers: NBC used to be my favorite network in the 90's, but a string of bad decisions has driven the once gold standard of television into a struggling wasteland. The one recent NBC bright spot for me was when late night talk show host Jay Leno finally decided to retire and the Peacock promoted my favorite host, Conan O'Brien, to The Tonight Show at 11:35 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time). But when Leno realized he was so easy to replace and wanted back on the airwaves. In what will go down as one of the worst broadcasting decisions of all time, the Peacock panicked at the thought of Leno going to a competitor so they scrapped their entire 10 p.m. programming block and handed over five hours a week of prime real estate to Leno. Naturally it hasn't worked and Jay's new show is regularly beaten by whatever ABC and CBS throw up against it (including reruns).

So that leads us to this past week when rumors started swirling that Leno's 10 p.m. show would be cancelled all together and I was pleased to see that NBC might finally be coming to their senses.

Until I saw this headline on Friday, "NBC to Conan: Move To Midnight Or Take A Walk"

Basically what they're trying to do now is move Leno back to 11:35 for a half hour show, Conan would air from midnight to 1:05 a.m. and then poor Jimmy Fallon would be pushed to 1:05-2:05 a.m. But if Conan doesn't want to comply with that adjustment, then NBC would be willing to let him out of his contract so that he could go to another network (If Conan leaves, then Leno would air for an hour from 11:35 p.m. to 12:35 a.m. and Fallon would stay in his spot at 12:35).

If I was Conan, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

It's so rare that you get a free pass off of a sinking ship and this is the perfect opportunity for him to do just that and move to a more stable (and ultimately more beneficial) situation.

I realize that most every talk show host dreams of anchoring the prestigious Tonight Show, but is it really that prestigious anymore? The Allen to Paar to Carson legacy is amazing and worth reverence, but it seems it's been living off of the legacy aspect over being an actual quality product for almost 20 years.

So what if Conan has to limp away with a slightly bruised ego? Dave Letterman suffered through the exact same situation back in the early 90's and I think he's OK with how everything worked out (PS - it's unbelievable to me that Dave and Conan will have both been screwed by NBC over Leno 18 years apart).

Fox has already expressed interest and I can't imagine a better landing spot for him. It's a thriving network that has connected with the highly coveted 18-49 year old demographic.

In fairness, I think even Conan fans can admit that his jump to 11:35 might have been a little premature. Even he regularly jokes that the older generation just doesn't get his comedy, but the catch is that the younger generation does. If Conan goes to Fox, he can just let Leno run his course for a few more years and then he'd be set up to dominate for the next ten, maybe twenty years with an established, built-in audience at a place that fits with his comedic style and is happy to have him.

Feels like a no-brainer to me.

I just don't know if Conan's pride is going to get in the way and force him to stay at the Peacock for the next time that Leno retires.

I know that NBC doesn't care about my opinion, but this whole situation has just rubbed me the wrong way. As if running a pristine company into the ground wasn't bad enough, now they're directly taking aim at my viewing habits (as I've gotten older, not having to keep myself awake for Conan's later show has been beyond convenient, especially now that I live in the Mountain time zone and his show comes on at 10).

I'm going to wait to hear how it all sorts out before I make any grand proclamations, but a boycott of NBC for at least the rest of this season is not out of the question at this point (and as a huge fan of The Office, that would be extremely difficult to endure).

Growing up, I never understood why people wasted their time with boycotts because you rarely see any positive resutls, but now I'm starting to get it. You just get to a certain point in life where you're tired of annoying decisions being made that affect you but you don't agree with. You know that nothing is going to be done about it and that these conglomerate powerhouses could care less, but sometimes you just have to take a stand to feel a lit bit better about yourself.

I'm getting close to that point with the Peacock.

Besides, as we've seen the network deteriorate over the past decade I really wouldn't be missing that much.

I'm sure I'll be updating any new developments throughout the week and especially on Thursday in the TV News & Notes feature; and don't forget that I'll be starting an American Idol recap on Wednesday morning after the season premiere of the singing competition show on Tuesday night.

TV News & Notes

2010-01-07T09:37:00.009-05:00

Josh Mahler is keeping you updated with what’s going on in television universe

WATCH THE NUGGETS PLAY IN YOUR LIVING ROOM... ACTUALLY IN YOUR LIVING ROOM
If you haven’t heard already, the ESPN and Discovery cable networks have announced that they will each be launching their own 3-D channels in the near future (ESPN’s will debut this coming summer and Discovery will be taking us to the third dimension sometime in 2011) and I’m personally torn on this issue. The thought of 85 live sporting events in 3-D over the next year (including next year’s college football BCS championship game) is very cool, but I’m nervous about everything going that direction. For me, 3D is fun as something different or a change of pace; I’m not so sure that I want to wear special glasses every time I turn on the TV. What are your thoughts? It’s early enough that I can still be easily swayed to either camp.

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU
Did you happen to catch the mini Friends reunion on Cougar Town last night as Lisa Kudrow dropped by the freshman Courtney Cox series? Even though the show is run by one of my favorites in Bill Lawrence (Spin City, Scrubs), I just haven’t been able to get into it yet this season but had to check this episode out as a Friends fan. I always feel bad for TV actors, because as an audience we just want them to be the characters that we remember them for and it just wasn’t Monica and Phoebe. The other thing that weirds me out about Cougar Town is that I never know which show I’m actually watching because I remember most of the cast from somewhere else. Ian Gomez and Scott Foley came from Felicity (a weekly favorite of an old flame a lifetime ago), Christa Miller and Scott Foley came from Scrubs, and then last night we had Cox and Kudrow from Friends. It was like a bizarre Past Their Prime all-star show.

STUNT CASTING
In other casting news, singer Carrie Underwood is set to make her acting debut on How I Met Your Mother this spring (we’re not going to count that so-called “Christmas” special she did last month). And actresses Mischa Barton - from O.C. fame - and Sharon Stone have each agreed to make separate appearances on the king stunt casting show, Law & Order: SVU, this spring as well. Barton will play a prostitute and Stone will appear an assistant district attorney (no word on any potential interrogation scenes). Ahh, so many jokes, so little time. Moving on!

SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST
And finally, Jon Cryer from Two and a Half Men is reportedly saying that co-star Charlie Sheen is adjusting well to being back on the show’s set after his Christmas arrest where he allegedly threatened his wife with a knife. “He’s been incredibly professional, always, but especially in times of personal crisis,” Cyer told People. “He is solid as a rock [and] today was no different… Thankfully a good script can get everybody through awkward moments.”

Makes you wonder what other show that script was from.

Sorry, just couldn’t resist.

Watching The Bachelor with My Bride

2010-01-05T10:52:00.003-05:00

Last night I was relaxing in my recliner watching the beginning of the Fiesta Bowl between Boise St. and TCU when my Wife and her friend commandeered the remote and flipped the channel over to ABC for the season premiere of The Bachelor .

I could have easily gotten up and gone into the other room to watch the game on our smaller television set but I’ve become such a HD snob, I was actually willing to suffer through the Bachelor and record the game to watch afterwards (and I'm still clinging to the misguided belief that this was a good way to stretch myself as a television reporter).

Besides, The Bachelor couldn’t be THAT bad.

Could it??

I think my Wife and her friend got a small kick out of watching one of their favorite shows with a fresh perspective through my eyes. Every aspect of the show confounded my entire basis of thinking and reasoning. I’m now interested to know if this is how women feel when they watch something geared specifically towards the masculine demographic, because my brain could not fully process what my eyes were taking in.

Here are a couple quick thoughts that came to me during the two hour torture session:

- This season’s bachelor (“Jake”) is a pilot so the full title of this season is The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love and, yes, the 80’s song of the same name is a brutal one to get stuck in your head.

- By my count, in the first episode alone there were 8,642 pilot/co-pilot references, puns, play on words and one very inappropriate (and disturbing) landing strip joke.

- Jake is already giving Matthew McConaughey a run for his money for the Most Scenes Without Wearing a Shirt award.

- Oh and was Jake nervous? Because he failed to mention it if he was.

- I know the girls want to stand out on their first meeting with the bachelor, but lame jokes and (I can’t even believe I’m typing this) props never make for a good first impression.

- On the flip side, the blondes vs. brunettes pickup football game was not the worst thing in the world.

- Even I have to admit that watching Michelle mentally derail was entertaining. Glad Jake kept her around (despite the fact that she was the ONE person his friends told him to cut loose).

- I know that the producers (heavily) influence who the Bachelor keeps, but this was ridiculous. If he thinks he’s going to be able to find “true love” out of the clown show leftovers he chose then they won’t even be able to find the black box from the emotional plane crash he’s headed for (see, I can do it too!).

- To further prove this point, did you see yesterday where it was released that one of the contestants winds up having a little tryst with a producer of the show? Ouch. I don’t want to say that looks bad on Jake, but… buddy, c’mon! Then again, it might be the first actual relationship the reality series has ever produced (man, I’m on fire!).

I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. But I’m interested in what all the ladies (and other guys that were forced to watch) thought about the premiere – my Wife loved it by the way. I have an uneasy feeling that The Bachelor might sneak his way into our regular Monday night TV Group while we kill time between How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory since half of our group is of the feminine persuasion.

Yikes.

I miss Monday Night Football already.

Updating the Facebook Status Quo Bonus Material

2010-01-04T00:01:00.001-05:00

If you're ever feeling bad about yourself or just down in the dumps, then be sure to check out Lamebook.com which takes the absolute best (or I guess it's actually the worst) updates, pictures, and replies from Facebook.

The site is updated daily and you can either scroll through all of the additions on the homepage or search by specific categories (state your status, parents/family, TMI, and TypOHs! just to name a few).

I will caution you to not read for too long because you will start to feel sad for humanity and get concerned that some of these people are allowed to participate in political elections and operate motor vehicles. But for a quick pick-me-up, it's the best place to visit!

Kinda like Jersey Shore on demand.

Here are some classic examples:

Updating the Facebook Status Quo

2010-01-04T00:00:00.004-05:00

A buddy of mine has been dating a girl for a few months now but I couldn’t help but notice that just last week he finally updated his Facebook.com status to state that they were “In a Relationship”. The next time I saw him I asked what took so long to announce their affiliation with one another and he responded with, “You have to be certain that it’s for real, because once it’s on Facebook it’s for real.”

It was in that moment that I realized how completely social networking has taken over our lives.

Just over 10 years ago, Meg Ryan explained the rush of getting an e-mail from Tom Hanks: “I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail.”

A decade later, that’s almost as ancient of a concept as regular mail.

What relevance is left in the phrase: “wait impatiently as it connects”? I’m not going to get on the computer to communicate with someone else instantly. That’s what texting is for!

Websites like Facebook and Twitter are a narcissist’s dream (read: my dream) because unlike e-mail – where you have to communicate with another person directly – now you simply post what you are doing, who you are with and to what degree, what you like and dislike and then just wait for everyone else to come to you.

At first I was reluctant to jump on the Facebook tidal wave. (1) Because I was already on MySpace and one social network was enough and (2) as I have pointed out ad nauseam, I shudder at the thought of being associated with anything that’s too popular.

But I’m terrible with keeping up with people via traditional corresponding outlets (i.e. phone and e-mail) and a lot of my friends that had moved away were Facebooking, so I figured I may as well also (and especially now that I’m one of those that have moved away).

I hate to admit it but I love the Facebook and Twitter setup of posting whatever I’m doing (no matter how mundane) or what I happen to think about a certain subject because it’s designed for people to believe that everyone else will read it, care about it, and feel more complete as a human being.

There are some negatives though.

If you have anything short of a Master’s good luck with Facebook’s functionality (that includes me). I have to call up Will Hunting anytime I want to post some pictures or delete an errant status update.

And I’m tired of all the FarmVille animals and Mafia games clogging up my home page. I’ve posted important thoughts and observations and I can’t have the latest addition to your YoVille house distracting anyone from my genius.

Beyond trying to maneuver around the site, employers are now checking employee’s sites and have been making hiring and firing decisions based upon status updates and pictures. I personally know of an instance where an employee was fired based on inappropriate pictures on his profile page and there was one instance where a girl bragged about skipping work on her Facebook status only to be terminated by her boss in a comment reply on her page.

Thanks for playing

Even with all of that, we still feel the need to be on these sites so that we can be heard.

So that we can matter.

I asked my Wife (an avid Facebooker) why she thinks it’s such a big deal when someone updates their relationship status through these social networks and I was impressed with her answer.

“All of your friends already know when you’re dating someone,” she said, “but when you post it on Facebook, you’re announcing it to the world. You’re letting all of you acquaintances and family know. You’re letting your exes and the one that got away know. It becomes official.”

Works for me.

Conversely, you are given the power to publicly “unfriend” another user on Facebook and “unfollow” or even block someone on Twitter. How does that work if the two of you ever run into each other at a party? Does social etiquette allow you to even speak to the person that unfriended you? Or do you have to leave the premises?

This is a whole new level of social rejection that I’m just not prepared to handle.

I had to catch myself questioning the importance of the Facebook status update because I was recently in that spot a few months ago. I remember the day after my Wife and I got married, we logged on to update our status from “engaged” to “married” and my Wife made the monumental step of changing her last name to mine.

According to the all of the legal authorities, that had already taken place, but even I have to concede that there was something about changing it on Facebook that made the whole thing feel more certified.

To further prove my… Oh, wait. What’s this? I’ve just been alerted that someone has retweeted one of my brilliant tweets on Twitter. Sorry, but I have to run check it! After that, I will get on Facebook so that I can update my status letting everyone know that I’ve written a column about Facebook.

I know everyone’s holding their breath, just waiting for me.

*Check out a new column every Monday morning here and at INDenverTimes.com